Parent Confronts Dilemmas Of Supporting Adult Children Through Unplanned Pregnancies And Educational Struggles

"I told her that she needs to get her crap together. "

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• January 11, 2024

Parenting never really stops, even when your kids grow up. This parent shared their story about a challenging situation with their two adult children.

The younger one, 22, is doing well with a stable job. But the older one, 24, is having a tough time.

She dropped out of college at 19 due to an unexpected pregnancy, and the child’s other parent isn’t in the picture. The parent has been heavily involved in helping raise their grandchild while their child tries to get back on track, even encouraging them to return to school.

Just as things seemed to be improving, with their child almost finishing school, another pregnancy happened. She is considering dropping out again.

This led to a big argument and a lot of frustration for the parent. After some thought the parent, decided on a plan.

They told their child that to stay at home, they must continue their education and seek child support for both kids. The parent will only babysit occasionally and any extra help will be paid like a regular babysitter.

They also won't cover all the baby's expenses anymore. This situation is tough for any parent. It’s about finding the right balance between supporting your kids and teaching them to be responsible adults.

OP have two daughters: Bethany, 22, is successful with a good job. Abby, 24, dropping out of college at 19 due to pregnancy and her partner leaving.

OP played a significant role in taking care of Abby's child while she pursued her education.

She's got one year left in her higher education, but it seems like she messed up again, it led to an argument.

OP has a plan: if she decides to have the child, she must commit to staying in school.

OP will babysit twice a week in case of real emergencies only and If she decides to leave the house, she'll need to handle her own arrangements.

OP should stop offering services for free.

At 24, she can manage, and OP can still be part of their lives as a grandparent, not a full-time parent.

OP should have a meaningful conversation with Abby.

There could have been a more gentle explanation, but she definitely needs a wake-up call.

She's an adult, so dropping out is her decision.

It's a challenging situation.

She should take responsibility for contraception, which is readily available and effective when used correctly.

OP may have come across as rude in some of their comments, and it might have been justified.

She must find a solution to care for both children.

The 24-year-old daughter should take responsibility for her life and decisions, despite receiving support from OP.

The 24-year-old daughter should start taking responsibility for her life and the choices she makes, even though she's getting help from the OP. It's a tough situation for everyone involved, but the daughter is an adult now, and she has to figure out how to take care of her two children.

OP can still be a grandparent who offers support and advice but not be a full-time parent anymore. It's also fair for the OP to stop providing free services and encourage the daughter to become more self-reliant.

Finding the right balance between help and personal responsibility is essential for the daughter's growth and for maintaining a harmonious family dynamic.

Damjan