Man Asks If It Would Be Wrong To Attend Funeral Of A Girl He Helped Become Heroine Addict

"I feel so much guilt over it."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• July 21, 2023

Dealing with drug addiction is like battling a shadowy monster that often sneaks into people's lives. Nobody begins with a deliberate intention to become an addict; it's usually a descent that begins innocently and then quickly spirals.

In this story, our character, OP, is mired in guilt due to some past actions that continue to haunt him. Now 26, OP has managed to stay clean from heroin for three years, a significant accomplishment, but his past as a dealer continues to cast a long shadow.

During those darker times, he became involved with a woman named Marcy. Despite being aware of his dangerous lifestyle, Marcy claimed to be in love with him.

What troubles OP the most is a painful memory: he was the one who first introduced Marcy to heroin. Once she started, there was no stopping her. She remained with him, perhaps because he was her dealer, until he turned his life around, and they lost touch.

A year ago, Marcy reconnected with him on Facebook. She had been clean for several months and expressed no animosity towards OP for their shared past.

She also voiced her hopes that he was maintaining his sobriety. However, tragedy struck.

OP's sister informed him of a heartbreaking update she saw on Facebook: Marcy had overdosed and did not survive.

A funeral service was scheduled for the following Thursday, news that reduced OP to tears and reignited feelings of guilt. Struggling with his emotions, OP is contemplating attending Marcy's funeral to pay his respects but fears his presence might be unwelcome or inappropriate.

His plan is to attend discreetly, pay his respects from the back, and leave quietly, hoping this could bring him some closure. This leaves him questioning: is it wrong for him to want to attend Marcy's funeral?

OP asks:

OP has been clean for 3 years. But his history still haunts him

He wants to attend the funeral and pay his respects, but wonders if it would cause more harm

Not a-hole for wanting to go, but...

"The family's feelings matter significantly more than your feelings."

OP wants to go just to appease a guilty conscience

OP should let the family mourn

It would hurt the family even more

This Redditor shared their painful experience:

The bottom line is:

It's clear that OP's really torn up about his past and Marcy's tragic end. Wanting to say goodbye at her funeral makes sense - he's grappling with guilt and is looking for some closure.

But when we think about Marcy's family and how they might feel, it's probably not the best idea for OP to be there. If they know about OP's past with Marcy, seeing him at the funeral could open up a whole new world of hurt for them on an already tough day.

So, even though OP's feelings of wanting to pay his respects are totally understandable, he has to think about Marcy's loved ones too. It's tough, but the right thing to do here is probably to stay away from the funeral and find another way to remember Marcy and deal with his guilt in private.

Damjan