Contrasting Views On Money Pits Couple Against Each Other After The Wife Suggested That They Can Live Like Others In Their Income Bracket

She wants a better car, house, and for him to dress less casually. He sees no problem with their lifestyle. Can they make it work?

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• September 1, 2023

Peer pressure doesn't end when you become an adult. Although no one outright tries to dictate what you should do, subtle jabs among friends could potentially sway your opinion.

A husband feared his wife was trying to keep up appearances with her friends when she suggested that they live according to their financial status. The couple has been together for 14 years, married for eight.

OP has done well in his field and earns an amount that reflects his expertise. He is the sole income earner, and they do not have children.

They do have combined finances. OP noticed that they have been having more arguments about money recently.

He considers himself a frugal person. He prefers spending his money on experiences and trips instead of luxury goods that scream wealth.

OP is repulsed by the idea of excessive spending on mere material items. His wife made several comments about their lifestyle.

She claimed how embarrassing and unfair it was for them to live this frugally. She wants to have a similar lifestyle to her friends.

OP tirelessly and repeatedly explains to his wife that a lavish lifestyle is not ideal for him. He has no issues with what they already have and sees no valid reason to change it.

Doing so is just showing off to prove to other people that they can afford expensive things

OP told his wife that he understood that people may and will speak about them, but he doesn't care about their opinions. Would it be better for OP to listen to his wife's desire to live in line with their income?

What upgrades were suggested by his wife, asked a Redditor

OP said his wife wants to move to a more affluent area, buy a newer model car, and for OP to dress according to his age

OP clarified in another comment that his car may be old but it is not beat-up. His wife has a 2015 model vehicle.

Is it possible that these lifestyle upgrades were born out of being excluded from her friend group?

OP said it was a possibility. His business partners make comments about OP's old car, but he ignores them. Maybe his wife isn't able to do the same.

If they want to make their marriage work, they need to find a middle ground

As for his wife's access to money, yes, she is able to buy things up to a certain amount. Both of them need to sign off on larger purchases.

OP said the increase in spending started just a year ago

It is noticeable that most of what they have and how they live is based off of what makes OP comfortable

They don't necessarily need to drain their finances, but certain improvements wouldn't be so bad

OP's wife used to work as a special education teacher. She chose not to return to work after the pandemic. If his wife goes back to work, her salary will be hers to spend while he will continue to cover everything else.

OP said the return-to-work talk will have to wait because he wants to touch base about their goals first

The issue really is their different aspirations and views on finances. OP is content knowing that their finances are secured without it affecting the way they live.

His wife wants a more comfortable and "showy" life. OP could update if he remembers, but do you think they will find common ground despite the stark differences they have?

Chelsi