Struggling with Exhaustion: AITA for Canceling Plans Due to Lack of Sleep?

In a recent Reddit post, a user shared a dilemma about canceling plans due to exhaustion after working long hours for three consecutive days. The OP's boyfriend's sister passed away 6 years ago, and on the anniversary of her death, the OP suggested plans to distract him from his sadness, but couldn't follow through due to extreme fatigue.

The OP works in the unpredictable film industry, with long hours and a 2-hour commute each way, while their boyfriend does not work and takes care of their dogs. The post sparked a lively discussion with various perspectives.

Some commenters sympathized with the OP's exhaustion, acknowledging the challenges of their demanding job and lengthy commute. Others questioned the dynamic of the relationship, pointing out red flags such as the boyfriend's lack of work and financial contribution.

Many highlighted the importance of self-care and setting boundaries, suggesting that the OP should prioritize their well-being in the situation. Overall, the thread delves into themes of empathy, boundaries, grief, and relationship dynamics, offering a diverse range of viewpoints on the situation.

Original Post

To start this off I do feel like an ass hole but also wish I had some empathy and understanding for the support I can physically/mentally provide even if it’s not EXACTLY what my boyfriend wants. Today is the 6 year anniversary of my boyfriend’s oldest sisters death and while driving to work yesterday he told me “just so you know I’ll probably be sad all day tomorrow” I responded with “your sister wouldn’t want you to sit and dwell all day so if I get paid let’s go do something, even if I don’t get paid maybe we can go on a hike or something free” he loved that idea.

The problem arouse when I did not get paid, I had to drive 2 hours back home today after a 12 hour work day last night and my friend let me stay with them (thankfully) last night but they had to be up early so I got 3 hours of sleep before I had to drive home and I just got home 3.5 hours ago. I ordered him wings when I got home and sat with him while he picked the show we watched.

After 3 hours of watching the show he says ok let’s go, I try to muster up any energy to go and eventually say “I’m so sorry I know I promised but I’m dying here! Can we please stay in today and we can watch anything you want to watch but I have no energy after working 3 days straight 2 hours away from our house, driving back and fourth the first two days after working 12 hours and now on 3 hours of sleep and just arrived home for my first day off in a minute.

He does not work but takes care of my dogs while I have to be gone so long. I also only have $7 in my bank account and 10 miles to empty in my car until I get paid which I thought would be sooner but here I am with no money, no sleep, and my boyfriend is mad at me because I broke the loose promises of going out to get his mind off his sisters death but won’t listen to anything I have to say.

All he hears is I’m a liar and an ass hole. So am I the ass hole?

Edit…. I work in the film industry.

Yesterday we were told would be a short day and we would go home early…obviously that wasn’t the case and we didn’t wrap until 2am. I do not know my hours in this industry it’s unpredictable.

I don’t work every day on set but this week I did and it happened to be farther from home than I normally work.

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