Struggling with Attending Grandpas Funeral - AITA for Missing the Service?

In a heart-wrenching dilemma, a Reddit user seeks advice after declining to attend their beloved grandpa's funeral due to financial constraints. Living 1500 miles away, the cost of last-minute travel for the whole family poses a significant burden, even with a loan offer from the user's mother.

Despite the emotional weight of missing the funeral, the financial reality of existing debts and limited resources cannot be ignored. The post resonates with many who share similar experiences, offering support and varied perspectives on the situation.

Some suggest alternative ways to pay respects remotely, such as streaming the service online or setting up video calls during the event. Others emphasize the importance of prioritizing financial stability and the well-being of one's immediate family over traditional expectations surrounding funerals.

As the Reddit community weighs in, the consensus leans towards understanding the user's decision and advocating for open communication with family members about financial limitations. The discussion delves into the complexities of balancing familial expectations with practical realities, highlighting the nuanced dynamics at play in such emotional circumstances.

Original Post

I'm really uncertain on this so asking for objective opinions. My grandpa, whom I dearly loved, died a few days ago and the funeral is in a couple of days.

My mom called me yesterday once arrangements had been made and asked about my travel plans, and I told her I couldn't come. I live 1500 miles away and driving that far isn't an option.

To fly my family there last minute would cost upwards of $2k. My family is low income for reasons I'd rather not go into here, but it's not "fixable" at the moment.

Typically we keep an emergency cushion of a few thousand bucks but this has been a year of emergencies and we're down to our last $1500. Even flying up by myself and leaving kiddos with my husband isn't great because it still costs more than we can really afford, and he'd have to take time off work and lose overtime pay.

When I explained, my mom instantly offered to loan us money for the family to fly up and we could pay her back a couple hundred each month. Thing is, we're under such financial pressure that we REALLY don't want to take on debt.

$200 a month would mean cutting out other things that would be tough, since we already don't have any entertainment subscriptions or fancy phones, don't eat out, etc... we pretty much stick to the essentials, including some medical needs that have come up recently.

I suspect my mom would be fine with us putting off the debt for a few months while we try to recover, but it'll still have to be paid sometime. So I said again that I was sorry, but it wasn't feasible.

Mom didn't push but she was very surprised and I later heard from someone else that my grandma is hurt that I wouldn't make the effort to be there with all of the other grandchildren, some of whom are traveling internationally. I don't want to put money ahead of family, and I know this is a one-time situation that I can't make up later.

So I'm really torn--AITA for saying no and not taking on a financial burden to be there for my grandma?

Comment from u/Crafty_Lady_60

Comment from u/CandylandCanada

Comment from u/ScarletNotThatOne

Comment from u/flyeTwaddle

Comment from u/BC_JEEP

Comment from u/SnooSprouts6437

Comment from u/SWOhioBiBBW

Comment from u/totallyworkinghere

Comment from u/HereWeGo_Steelers

Comment from u/ike7177

Comment from u/Armadillo_Prudent

Comment from u/Rubycon_

Comment from u/Traditional_Koala216

Comment from u/bopperbopper

Comment from u/hypnosssis

Comment from u/OkManufacturer767

Comment from u/dncrmom

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!.