Woman Refuses To Pay Part Of Her Boyfriend’s Mortgage Without Signed Agreement; Receives Backlash

If you live in your partners house, should you accept splitting the mortgage payment when you have no stake in the house?

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• September 17, 2022

Living together with a partner is a huge decision. For many couples, it introduces new dynamics and issues to address.

There's quite a lot to consider, including privacy, finances, and the fact that living together means seeing sides of your partner you never have before.

While some couples may easily navigate these issues and get even closer, others find navigating them challenging and impossible.

Some couples even end up breaking up after living together for a while, but it's not all bad, as several couples get married in the end.

The topic of cohabitation is so nuanced that researchers constantly disagree about its effects on a couple.

We found a story in the AITA subreddit that depicts cohabitation struggles. The Redditor, who identifies as u/notmyhouseaita, shared that she had plans to move in with her boyfriend. 

However, he's requesting they split the mortgage as part of their shared living expenses. The problem is, OP isn't comfortable doing that as she fears she would get nothing if they break up.

In her words;

I am refusing to pay any money that would go directly towards his mortgage. I don’t have any stake in the house; why would I contribute to his mortgage payments? I'm ok helping with utilities, groceries, household items, etc. But paying his mortgage is a hard no for me.

Her boyfriend argues that living with him for free would be unfair, considering they've agreed to split bills. In addition, he pointed out that paying part of his mortgage would save her a lot more money than renewing her rent.

Well, OP (original poster) admitted seeing sense in her boyfriend's proposal, but she's insisting that he sign a contract first. This agreement would force him to refund any money she spends on his mortgage if they break up.

According to OP, this issue is causing a wedge between her and her boyfriend. Scroll down to read the whole story.

"I can tell my BF's patience on this is wearing thin and he's upset with me for digging my heels in on this"

Let's get into the details

OP and her boyfriend have decided to move in together. The only problem is that she's reluctant to share in the mortgage payment for his house since she doesn't have a stake in the property

Her boyfriend argues that not agreeing to share in the mortgage payment would be unfair, as they had both agreed to share expenses 50:50

OP made it clear that the only way she would agree to do that was if he signed a contract that would allow her to get a refund if they break up in the future

The situation is causing problems in their relationship, as no one is ready to shift grounds

OP's rent is expiring soon and she has to make a decision to either renew or move in with her boyfriend on his terms

The post went viral, garnering over 10k upvotes and 7.5k comments. Here's how the Reddit community reacted:

"You clearly don't have any problem paying your landlord's mortgage and you have no stake in that"

"Personally I think if I'm saving $500 or more a month, then just do that choice"

"When my then boyfriend moved in with me to my house, we split all the costs of living 50/50. His effective rent went down, his standard of living went up, and he was able to contribute much more to his retirement"

"Become a legal tenant...put everything in writing. It would protect both parties"

"If you were moving in to an apartment together would you refuse to pay rent?"

"Would you ask your landlord for the money back you paid when you move out? Or ask your landlord if he put your name on his house because you paid rent for a couple of years?"

The comments section is filled with different opinions, as expected. Some commenters believe OP is being shortsighted, as they believe splitting the mortgage payments is the same as paying rent.

Others understand OP’s fear of a breakup leading to the shorter end of the stick for her.

She also revealed that the lease on her apartment expires in two months, so the clock is ticking for OP on this one. We hope she and her boyfriend find a way to navigate through this.

Do you think OP is wrong for refusing to split the mortgage payments without a signed agreement? Let us know in the comments section!

Jesse