She yelled and accused him of having an affair with M. He tried to calm her down by explaining the context of his messages.
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He explained that dirty jokes were normal around their office. None of his coworkers get offended by them.
He said he felt comfortable making those jokes toward M because she knew not to take them seriously and that they weren't attracted to each other.
He said he deleted his reply because he knew he had gone too far immediately after he sent it. They made jokes about how "easy" M was, but his reply was too direct.
OP decided to message M since they were friendly with each other. M reassured OP that there was nothing going on between her and OP's husband.
OP doesn't know how to feel about the entire situation. Her husband quit his job because he knew OP wouldn't ever be comfortable with him and M working in the same office. Can their relationship recover from this?
Her husband joined the worst kind of bandwagoning
How are they not getting sued for this behavior?
OP's husband and his coworkers are beyond inappropriate. They're the examples of what not to do in those sexual harassment training videos.
Tip of the iceberg. How about the things he said in calls and in person?
So, he just preserves his harassing energy for work.
OP wasn't convinced that the message was enough proof of her husband angling for an affair.
It must have been uncomfortable to explain why he left his previous job
Plot twist: OP doesn't think her husband's behavior constitutes sexual harassment because she discussed the technicalities with, checks notes, the woman he sexually harassed.
OP needs to take some notes
Oh, I see. OP and M are "not like other girls."
Just because M says she's fine with the "jokes" doesn't mean their behavior is even remotely okay.
OP's husband has a hill to climb to prove she can trust him again
OP believes he has done enough to start to earn her trust back
How is it okay for your spouse to talk to other people this way? OP is focusing on the wrong person here — the issue is not M, it's her husband.
Just because M is out of the picture, it doesn't mean her husband won't continue to behave the way he has. It's kind of clear why OP and her husband are together.