30 People Share What Real, Horrible Names Parents Give Their Kids That Make Them Think The Parents Are Stupid

"There was a girl in my class in Montreal named 'Asthma'."

Sophia

• Published in Funny
• June 30, 2022

Choosing a name for your babies is a monumental thing, and parents would most often like to give their kids a name that is meaningful and kind of gives a precedent on how they would grow up to be. Some would name their child the likes of "Victoria" for a more classic and elegant vibe, hoping that their kid would someday grow up to be a woman that exudes that kind of aura; or just opt for more simple names like "Zoe" or "Amy."

But gone are the days when parents would just name their kids pretty normal ones like "Olivia," "Jordan," and "Daisy." Nowadays, parents seem to be in a competition on giving their kids the most unique names they could ever find, courtesy of celebrities like the Kardashians inspiring them to name their kids something unusual but fairly distinctive.

Some just try too hard to be unique that it kind of ruins the whole thing, and they aren't even aware that they are already setting their kids up for mockery. Imagine being named Corona just because you were born in the middle of a pandemic in 2020!

People just go way overboard because they tend to hyperfocus on the individuality that they are "blessing" their child with. But what they don't realize is that they just often end up giving them completely ridiculous names that are for sure going to be changed anyway once these kids break free.

That being said, people flocked to online communities to share some of the worst baby names they have ever heard—which ultimately led them to think that their parents must be bonkers for even thinking of it. Check out some of the most hilarious entries below!

1. "Nevaeh."

- arcxjo

2. "Before my nephew was born, my sister sent me a text asking if I liked the name 'Rylar'."

I sent her a list of questions to ask herself, and if she answered yes to any of them then Rylar would be a fantastic name for her child. The questions were:

1) Is he destined to be a lion tamer and/or magician?

2) Will he not have a last name, like Seal or Prince?

3) Is he going to have an ominous title like "The Terrible" after his name?

4) Is he a character in an RPG?

She named him Lucas.

-HCDannyboy

3. "Girl at the gas station was explaining her daughters name to the clerk..."

She named her daughter "Anesthesia". Spelled exactly like the doctory drug, but pronounced Anastasia like the movie.. - garlong123

4. "Jimothy."

Yikes - redditttor1

5. "One of the girls in my daughter kindergarten class is named Quinsy."

It’s a disease. There are two Dyxins with the same “unique” spelling and a Chacha, which is what I used to call my vagina growing up. - IntrudingAlligator

6. "Any normal name that is misspelled to make it 'unique'"

- barra333

7. "I saw a girl on the news named Kim Wimberly."

Kimberly Wimberly.

-murderofcrows90

8. "I met a girl and her name was C’mon."

She got pissed when I didn’t pronounce Simone right. - BruceVFL

9. "I understand there are a lot of different ways to spell Kaitlin..."

But the spellings that are like Ckaetlyin or KVIIIlyn or some c**p. - anon

10. "I know a couple who named their daughter Khaleesi Danyris (that's how they spell it)..."

But only the wife watches GOT. Guy has no idea. - DarthAdobo

11. "Ryvar (pronounced River)."

I'll never understand unique names that come at the expense of atrocious spelling. - tasertoast12

12. "My friend's sister has three children - one girl and two boys."

They are called Maisie Moo, Ryder Rae and Brooklyn Blu. - bilnas

13. "There was a girl in my class in Montreal named 'Asthma'."

I s**t you not. I was 6 years old and that is my earliest memory of being baffled by humans.

Like, why not call your kid f*****g lymphoma? Hell, why not call your kid meningococcal meningitis?

-xIcarusLives

14. "Product/brand names like Porsche, Chanel etc."

- Salt-Pile

15. "I know someone who is about to name their baby Londyn."

Why would you name them a word everybody knows, but not spell it that way? She'll spend her whole life correcting people. - ImSomebodyNow

16. "Basically anything ending in 'ayden'."

Things like Zayden and Rayden.

And not sure if it's real, but Traylor sound hilarious.

-gratedCheeseOnToast

17. "Recently they made it legal in Poland to name your child whatever you want."

So people are coming up with these appalling Polish-spelled versions of English names they know from the movies. The "Brajan" and "Dżesika" generation in coming. (That's Brian and Jessica. It's as if an American named their son "Stanni'suave", I guess.) - nakomin

18. "The same first letter for all of the sisters and brothers."

It's cute when it's two siblings, but if it's three it just seems like a gimmick.

Imagine being the youngest kid, knowing your parents didn't look at you and feel inspired to pick the best name, but were more like "gee, what starts with K that we haven't used up?"

-anon

19. "I was assisting a photographer during my son's picture day at his elementary school a couple years ago and there was a girl named Areola."

All I could think was "why do the parents of this adorable little girl HATE HER??" - onetwo34fivesix7

20. "I saw on Facebook one of the girls that went to my High School named her daughter Danyell."

That's how she thought it was spelled apparently. I also live in a province where they don't fail kids anymore and you can get to grade 10 without being literate.

Edit: I guess the education system in Canada just sucks overall.

-matt95110

21. "My cousin has 5 children (all in State Custody) their names are: Akevion, Jazaraye, Dametreon, Chelcee, and Kerionnya."

Elizreonna Kay is on the way.

PS: We're white.

-anon

22. "I s**t you not I know a co-worker that named her daughter Elizabreth."

Its just.....sigh.....I don't know man, yes it is a name but ....but....but...but why? Just why?!!!!!! - Dildo-Gankings

23. "I was told when naming my daughter to say the following sentences out loud..."

1) Please stand for the President of the United States, [insert name].

2) Gentlemen, dancing tonight on the main pole here at The Bunny Club, [insert name].

If #2 flows better. .pick another name.

-tsinitia

24. "I was volunteering at a middle school and a kid comes running up to me and says 'My name is King.'"

I thought ok but his middle name was Lucifer. I was speaking with King Lucifer.

Also my wife is a teacher and had students named Mi'Queen and Mi"king. What a time to be alive

-MisterMiracle23

25. "There is no such thing as a baby name; the name you give your baby is also going to be their adult professional name..."

Some parents forget to name their child accordingly.

But to answer your question, I dislike most names that involve some kind of universal virtue. Joy and Hope are acceptable, but Love is pushing it.

-anon

26. "A girl applied at my work the other day with the name Precious..."

My inner Phoebe thought, "ok I can't call you that."- Aerosgirl

27. "Guys, I was at Disneyland and would hear the most ridiculous children names."

These were my favorite:

• England and Scotland
• Arrow and Quiver

-peanutbuter_smoothie

28. "Chardonnay."

The parents named her for their favorite wine.

-Back2Bach

29. "Baeby."

- PoopIsYum

30. "I worked at a summer camp and this family had 5 kids and 1 on the way but the 3 at my camp were named Integrity, Honesty and Rage."

Ironically Rage was the sweet one. But we would always joke about what they would name the next kid. I liked the name Punctual. - throwaway345041501

Who in the right mind would even want to name their kid with such ridiculousness? It's quite understandable that parents just want something unique, but would you really want your kid to grow up with a name like "Asthma"?

Comment down your thoughts or share this article for all your family and friends to see—and save any future kid from humiliation while at it!

Sophia