Reddit Investigates If A 90-Year-Old Grandma With Dementia Can Bake Transphobic Cake With Her Grandaughter's Deadname On It

Her caregiver is the celebrant's aunt. She called her niece "unstable" for storming out and not appreciating the cake.

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• October 20, 2023

A 46-year-old dad walked out of his daughter's birthday party after he saw the cake his grandma allegedly baked for her. OP's 17-year-old daughter, Alexis, is a transgender woman.

OP admitted it was a huge adjustment for their family. Even more so for his 90-year-old grandmother, who has mild dementia.

Alexis originally planned to spend her birthday with her friends. OP's sister, who is their grandmother's main caregiver, suggested that they hold a party with family at their grandma's house as well.

OP's daughter agreed as she thought it was a great idea. The party was going well until the birthday cake was brought out.

One of their grandma's passions in life was baking. She bakes and decorates cakes for their family's special occasions.

Written on Alexis's birthday cake was, "Happy Birthday, (Deadname)!" Alexis cried as soon as she saw what was written on the cake.

OP quickly gathered their things before following his daughter out of the house. They spent the rest of the night watching Alexis's favorite movie at home, eating store-bought cake and ice cream.

Alexis felt better after a while. OP's phone was blowing up with messages from his sister, but OP put her on mute to focus on his daughter.

OP checked the messages once Alexis was safely in her room. His sister's first message was to ask if Alexis was okay and if they were coming back.

Her tone quickly changed after that

OP's sister called Alexis ungrateful and unstable. She said Alexis should have smiled because their grandmother put a lot of effort into the cake.

OP texted his sister that those were horrible things to say about his daughter and that they were done spending time with family that day. His sister replied with, "K."

OP's relatives are on his and Alexis's side. They have been getting the cold shoulder from his sister and grandma.

"Happy birthday to you, too, OP 'cause clearly your sister thinks you were born yesterday," is such a quotable sentence

People doubted if OP's grandma actually baked the cake without OP's sister assisting her

Even if grandma baked and decorated everything, smearing the wrong name wouldn't have been a hard thing for Aunt to do

OP's sister has an agenda she's trying to push. It's gross that she used their grandma to hide her bigotry.

If the cake was iced flawlessly, then it's doubtful if OP's grandma wrote Alexis's deadname by herself

No matter what happened in that kitchen, the onus falls on OP's sister

Grandma's dementia would have affected her ability to retain new information i.e., remembering Alexis's name and preferred pronouns

Let's say she did write Alexis's deadname on the cake. She can't be held responsible for it. OP's sister, who was supposed to be caring for their grandma, should have intervened.

Grandma probably had no malicious intent because of her medical condition

However, the aunt's reaction was telling

She went on the offensive and immediately called Alexis unstable instead of immature or anything else

OP said he would talk to his grandma to straighten the story out. As for the transphobes in his DMs, go kick rocks.

Despite all of this, OP's unconditional love and support for his daughter was incredibly touching. He didn't hesitate to leave the party when he saw how the cake affected her.

He spent the rest of the night making sure she could go to bed feeling a bit better. Most of all, he defended her from his own sister and online strangers who tried to push their outdated beliefs.

Chelsi