Man's Dilemma Between Attending His Estranged Father's Funeral To Finally Get Some Closure, And Supporting His Daughter's Life-Altering Surgery

"I was able to get the answers and closure that I was looking for."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• September 16, 2023

When two big family events happen at the same time, it can be tough to figure out who to focus on without hurting anyone's feelings. This situation is like a balancing act. You have to be careful not to upset anyone by choosing one event over the other. It's all about talking to everyone involved and finding a way to make everyone happy without leaving anyone feeling left out or hurt.

OP, a 35-year-old, learned about their father's passing two weeks ago. He had left home at 16 due to family issues and lost touch with his relatives. His brother unexpectedly contacted him to deliver the news on the same day as OP's 18-year-old daughter's sex reassignment surgery.

Initially torn between attending the funeral or supporting his daughter, OP chose to seek closure and answers about his family situation. He discussed this with his spouse, who supported him but suggested talking to their daughter first.

When OP discussed his plans with his daughter, she strongly objected, feeling abandoned during a critical time. Despite assurances, OP believed attending the funeral was crucial. His daughter remained resolute and stated she'd have nothing to do with OP if he left.

OP eventually attended the funeral, finding closure and answers. Upon returning home, his daughter was furious, accusing him of being transphobic. OP's spouse didn't see the decision as entirely wrong, leaving OP unsure about the situation. They're now seeking input on whether they were in the wrong

OP learned of his father's death after years of no contact with his family, but on the same day, his daughter had a sex reassignment surgery scheduled

OP decided to go back to their hometown for a funeral and to seek closure. Upon returning, his daughter accused him of being transphobic

OP's daughter will be able to understand OP's perspective better once she calms down

OP's father is still family, and the daughter isn't alone during surgery. It's a complex situation, not necessarily transphobic

OP needs to allow the daughter some time to cool down before discussing the matter further

OP's decision to prioritize his own need for closure over his daughter's feelings about a recent surgery was right.

The OP did not leave his daughter unattended; instead, she remained in the care of her mother.

Closure was important for OP, even in difficult situations like this

OP's daughter should be more understanding

The daughter's accusation of the OP being transphobic was immature

OP's daughter will eventually move past her disappointment or upset

OP is not the bad guy in this situation, his perspective was reasonable

OP had to make a really tough choice. He lost a parent, and his daughter needed him for a big event. This put him in a tough spot. OP going to the funeral wasn't a bad thing, but he should have talked more with his daughter and figured out the right time to go.

Now, OP needs to make things right with his daughter. He should show her that he loves and support her, and work on rebuilding their relationship and trust.

Damjan