New Divorcee Moves In With Her GF And Begins Acting Like A Mom To Her Stepson While Fumbling On Her Duties To Her 3.Y.O. Child

Her ex suggested that they have a day together to focus on their toddler but she's insisting on taking her girlfriend and her stepson with them

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• November 21, 2022

Divorce and separation are both difficult major life events to go through. Dividing assets and breaking your relationship down into numbers & figures is not anyone's idea of a hobby.

On top of all of this, if you have children, they will always be caught in the middle. They become collateral damage in the aftermath of your relationship falling apart.

They are the innocent victims who have no other choice but to slowly process what happened. Parents can keep reassuring them it's not their fault but kids will always have doubts and the divorce can affect them for a long time.

This father of a three-year-old is just figuring out how to co-parent with his ex after their recent divorce. He has primary custody of their son Henry while his relationship with his ex-wife is okay but strained.

She has since moved on and has been living with her girlfriend who has a son of her own. OP's ex refers to the 12-year-old as her stepson despite the relationship being relatively new.

OP has no issues with his ex's stepson and thinks he is a great kid but he has noticed some changes in Henry. The stepson has a dominating personality and when Henry is around him, he basically fades into the background and becomes an afterthought to his mother.

Whenever OP and his ex are in the same room, Henry hides behind OP and then barely says a word the whole time. OP proposed that he, his ex-wife, and her girlfriend all spend a day with just Henry to reassure him about his importance in their lives.

OP's ex agreed to it but she insisted that her stepson be there. She said she wanted her stepson to feel like he is a part of their family.

OP understood where she was coming from but said this defeated the purpose of having a day solely dedicated to Henry

OP suggested again that they can spend another day with both kids present but insisted on his original plan to push forward

He just wanted to reassure Henry that there is no tension in their family and maybe help him regain his confidence as well as ease his anxiety about their new set up

Was OP's suggestion too selfish and Henry-centric? Should they just include his ex's stepson?

OP shouldn't back down on this matter — his son needs to know that he is loved by both of his parents. His ex's girlfriend can stay with her son and explain why he isn't a part of the outing since he should be old enough to understand.

Let's hope Henry is just shy around an older kid and his mom & not because of a more serious reason

Henry, unfortunately, is having a difficult time putting his feelings into words

Added to the fact that his family life got disrupted in a major way, the three-year-old is understandably having a difficult time coping

On top of that, Henry also had to move because OP got custody while his wife now owns their former home

The ex's stepson lives in the house with her and Henry barely sees his mom

In Henry's eyes, he probably believes his mom replaced him with another kid who now also lives in his former house. It a lot for an adult, what more for a toddler?

Why didn't she want Henry to get speech therapy initially? There's no downside to it and any parent would want their child to get the help they need.

OP said he hasn't seen any alarming signs of abuse but he will definitely be more vigilant

Kids are perceptive and his mom may have made him feel unwanted. Maybe OP only sees him smiling on FaceTime because of him and not his mom.

Are they planning on making OP a permanent fixture in the stepson's life?

OP feels no anger towards the kid but he sort of alluded to why the stepson got attached to him so quickly

OP has to make it clear that he will play no part in his the life of his ex's stepson. The kid may be a part of her family but not his.

Things seem to be headed that way already, so OP has to act quickly

Will his ex wife listen to OP's plan if it comes from a professional? Or will she choose this hill to die on?

OP is doing a good already when it comes to showing his son he is the number one priority. It couldn't hurt to go to a therapist to help both of them in this new phase of their lives.

OP's ex has to remember that she has a child of her own she needs to focus on before moving to another family or she will lose Henry a lot sooner than she thinks

Just because Henry is just three years old, it doesn't mean he can't understand things. Complex concepts may take time to sink in but children are a lot more perceptive than adults realize.

He probably thinks his mom doesn't like him anymore and has replaced him with another kid who is now living in his former house. It's heartbreaking for everyone involved especially for the toddler who expects his parents to be there for him all the time, no matter what.

Chelsi