Dad's Controlling Behavior Creates Tension In Father-Daughter Bond, She Asks How To Change That

"My dad is the kind of guy who believes that since he's a dad he's in charge and what he says is law.'

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• November 28, 2023

Many people find it challenging to establish and maintain clear rules with their parents, particularly those who were absent during their childhood. This absence often complicates the parent-child dynamic, making it harder to enforce boundaries later in life.

In the Reddit story, OP talks about how tough it is to deal with her dad. He wasn't there much when she was little, and he's really strict and controlling.

This doesn't go well with how she grew up, which was more relaxed and caring with her mom. Her dad acts like he's always right and doesn't care about her privacy or what she wants. He does things like going into her room without asking and even taking away her Wii, saying it was to teach her a lesson.

When she got older, her dad kept doing things like this. He would eat her food without asking and then tell her off for spending too much money. He even does this at her own house, eating whatever he wants and ignoring what she needs for her guests.

Things got worse with the pandemic. Her dad wouldn't wear a mask in her house, even though she asked everyone to. She loves her dad but doesn't know how to handle him not respecting her and her rules.

OP's parents split when she was young, and she began regularly visiting her dad at around age 12. As time passed, OP noticed her dad's firm belief in his parental authority and his tendency to assert his own rules.

OP's dad tried to assert his authority by attempting to discipline OP when he was visiting her mom's house, including searching through OP's belongings.

OP's father still treats her in a controlling manner, even though she is now an adult When they lived together briefly, he would eat OP's food without permission, and when she confronted him, he justified it by asserting his authority as her father.

Now, even if they don't live together, OP's father walks into OP's house as if it were his own and continues his arrogant behavior.

He's a bully and an abuser.

As an adult, OP needs to consider obtaining a restraining order if he refuses to respect her boundaries.

OP should keep the door locked to prevent him from entering uninvited.

OP should inform him that he's not welcome and treat any uninvited visits as trespassing.

OP needs to assert her authority in her own home by firmly saying "NO" to his attempts to order her around and make it clear that her rules matter.

OP can change her locks, install cameras, and reduce contact.

OP should remove his access to her home.

OP needs to maintain strict boundaries with him, even if it means excluding him from her home.

The situation won't change, OP's choices are to accept him as he is or cut off contact.

To deal with this, OP should do a few things. First, she should talk to her dad honestly and calmly about how his actions affect her and her home.

She should tell him she needs her space and wants to set some rules in her own place. It's important to know that changing someone's behavior can be tough, especially if it's been that way for a long time.

So, OP might want to think about getting help from a therapist or counselor. They can guide the discussions and give advice on how to work things out with her dad.

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Damjan