Redditors Advise Couple To Act Like Partners Instead Of Treating Their Marriage Like Equation During Argument About Buying House

"You are a team, act like one."

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• February 12, 2024

Will their inability to find a compromise about home ownership end a Redditor's marriage? A prospective homeowner and his wife couldn't agree on an equitable ownership division of the house they planned to purchase.

OP wanted to split the ownership of the house equally. His wife, who will contribute $400k of their $500k initial payment, wanted to be the majority owner of the house.

OP felt that his wife was being unfair because she earned more than he did. He did not have as much savings as his wife did because he paid for half of all of their household bills.

What was left of OP's salary was sent to help his elderly parents, and the rest was allocated for his hobbies. OP's wife was more mindful of her higher income and saved most of it.

His wife was also adamant about purchasing a home in an affluent area. OP said he would have been okay with a less expensive property with a lower mortgage.

In the end, they settled on a $1.3M house, but OP could only contribute $100k for the down payment. OP's approach to buying a house as a family differed from his wife's.

She felt it was selfish of OP to insist on having a 50% stake in their house. His wife said she felt that her hard work and sacrifices were overlooked if they co-owned the house equally.

OP explained why he had to send money to his parents back home.

He also clarified that his hobbies weren't as extravagant as some Redditors initially believed.

He added that he is in charge of cooking and grocery shopping. He also handles most of their children's pick-ups and drop-offs at school.

OP said he wasn't minimizing his wife's significant contribution to their family. She is a great mom and partner who juggles similar responsibilities as he does.

Their finances have always been separated. He thought about having a joint account when their eldest was born, but his wife declined because she had more money saved than OP.

OP said if they closed on the house, they would equally pay for the base mortgage but his wife would pay off the remainder and, thus, contribute more.

The jarring detail in OP's post is how quantified everything in their marriage is.

Redditors couldn't help but speculate how long OP's marriage would last.

Others believed it was only rational to take a potential divorce into account when making big purchases with a partner.

Another Redditor said OP's wife could and should delegate an appropriate percentage of ownership in their future house since she would be contributing significantly more than him.

They said OP was the a-hole for making an issue over something that would only be significant if he and his wife divorced.

Another commenter could only see two paths for OP and his wife. They could buy the property as a couple or not and head straight for divorce.

Their relationship sounds like what happens in divorce mediation, they said.

Others couldn't help but point out how his wife called for an equitable division when it benefitted her. She didn't feel the same when they split their bills down the middle all those years.

Most Redditors agreed with OP's view of the situation and said he wasn't as selfish as his wife claimed.

What solution did the couple opt for? Did they agree on equally owning their house, or did OP settle for a 20% ownership?

They did end up buying a house because OP's next post a few days later in a different subreddit was about installing outdoor sliding doors for their new house. They either reached a compromise or decided it wasn't a hill worth burying their marriage under.

Chelsi