Viral TikTok Video Shows A Counselor Revealing A Trend Among Gen X Clients Having Complex Feelings About Their Parents

"You have a chance to talk to someone who doesn’t have a ‘dog in the fight’"

Maryjane

• Published in Interesting
• November 15, 2022

Nowadays, the majority of generational discussion is on millennials and baby boomers, but we sometimes overlook those who were born between 1965 and 1980, or as they are called Generation X. One Texas-based counselor is changing that by using the TikTok platform to discuss a trend she's noticed in her Gen X clients.

Janet Martinez, MS, LPC, or @cursingcounselor on TikTok has been a counselor for more than 20 years. She has started a conversation about Gen Xers' feelings regarding elder care for their parents.

“I’m Generation X. In my generation, we were basically feral… We sort of raised ourselves. Our parents were very busy doing their own things, lots of working parents, especially newly working parents, and so we were latchkey kids, and we were on our own a lot.”

Martinez acknowledges that being a parent requires a lot of time commitment, but she goes on to say that the emotional neglect many Gen Xers went through is now having an impact.

“It was the emotional stuff, like that we didn’t have a lot of people to talk to or our emotions were not seen as important. And so now this is what’s coming up in counseling.”

Janet Martinez has ignited a conversation about Gen X’er’s feelings regarding elder care for their parents

Martinez explains that the emotional neglect many Gen Xers experienced is now taking a toll

The counselor went further saying:

“Now our parents are older and they need us, and many of us are struggling because we were not taken care of. But now we are expected to take care of [them], and that’s creating a lot of issues.”

"We were latchkey kids, and we were on our own a lot"

In the comments, fellow Gen Xers and Gen X counselors explained how they can relate to this.

We grew up watching shows like...

Resentment

Others said that they had been striving to outperform their parents. Some commenters added that because they had wonderful parents, they couldn't relate

Martinez also stated in an interview with Buzzfeed that:

"This wasn’t everyone’s experience, but it was a lot of people’s experience. Also, corporal punishment was still the main way kids were disciplined and many were abused because their parents thought that was the best way to get kids in line.

‘Gentle Parenting’ was not heard of. Gen X are now parents themselves and have remarked to me that they used to give their parents excuses but now realize ‘it wouldn’t have been that hard’ to show up for us the way we show up for our kids."

The comments continues...

My emotions never mattered

Martinez also talked about limiting contact:

“Some clients have been through so much past trauma that they have to develop boundaries to protect their mental health. The last group are some that have had to resort to no contact altogether. This is rare, but with narcissistic parents or those unwilling to accept boundaries, it is the only option.”

You can watch the full video here

The counselor ended by saying that:

“It is okay to have those feelings and feel conflicted. Finding support in counseling is very helpful because you have a chance to talk to someone who doesn’t have a ‘dog in the fight’ and will help you approach the issue without judgment.

If they experienced abuse and neglect or addiction, I highly recommend self-help books like Codependent No More, Gifts of a Challenging Childhood, and Self-Compassion.”

Maryjane