Woman's Compliment Missed Its Mark, Leaving Her Friend Feeling Hurt

‘He’ll make a great husband some day’

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• August 20, 2024

Social interactions frequently involve discussing personal lives and family matters. When friends catch up, conversations can vary from casual to deeply personal.

A recent situation highlights how even well-meaning comments about sensitive topics can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. During a coffee catch-up, OP and a college friend discussed the friend's 12-year-old son.

The friend shared that she was teaching him various recipes, which he was excited about. She also emphasized teaching him respect and the importance of not speaking poorly about loved ones.

The OP commented that the friend was raising her son to be a great partner in the future, encouraging her to take pride in that. However, the friend's reaction was unexpectedly adverse.

She seemed upset and remarked that her son was still a child and shouldn't be spoken about in terms of future roles like being a husband. She stressed that it's uncertain what he will choose to do with his life.

OP apologized for any misunderstanding and clarified that no offense was intended. She explained that she meant to compliment the friend's parenting and express hope that her son would grow up to be a good partner, should he choose that path.

This incident left the OP questioning whether her comment was inappropriate. The friend's response was confusing, and the OP has been reflecting on the situation. The OP and her friend are women, adding another layer to the conversation's context.

OP caught up with a college friend who shared that she’s teaching her 12-year-old son to cook, and he’s excited about it.

She was teaching him to be respectful, and OP complimented her on raising an excellent future husband, but it upset her.

She emphasized that he’s still a child, not ready for marriage or clear about his future.

OP apologized to her for any unintended offense.

Her reaction was confusing and hurtful, and OP has been reflecting on it, especially considering they are both women.

It's inappropriate to discuss someone's child in terms of how their upbringing will benefit others.

OP was being presumptuous and sexist with her "compliment," and saying it about a 12-year-old boy is inappropriate.

OP is wrong for dismissing how men are often neglected in learning basic life skills while women are pressured into caregiving roles.

OP should praise her for raising a good person instead of speculating about the child's future relationships.

OP complimented his utility, not him personally; she could say something like, "You've raised a wonderful child."

It’s inappropriate to suggest kids are being raised for someone else’s benefit.

OP became wrong by not apologizing and clarifying her intent, instead getting defensive.

OP's comment, though well-meaning, may have inadvertently reinforced traditional gender roles and her friend’s reaction shows she wants to keep her son's future open-ended.

OP's comments are insensitive.

Once OP realized her mistake, she should have apologized.

The comment about her friend’s 12-year-old son being a “good husband” was likely meant to be positive but missed the mark. It unintentionally implies that the child's worth is connected to his future relationships, which can seem insensitive and reinforce outdated gender norms.

A more thoughtful approach would have been to compliment the child on his current qualities instead. The friend’s reaction indicates that she prefers to keep her son’s future possibilities open.

A better response from the OP would have been to apologize and clarify their intent rather than become defensive. Understanding and respecting the friend’s viewpoint would have been more considerate.

Damjan