Husband Leaves His Oblivious Wife A List Of Bathroom Rules To Help Her Clean Her Act Up

He slayed her.

Angie

• Published in Funny
• January 31, 2018

Sharing a home with someone else can be hard sometimes, but sharing a bathroom is a whole other ball of wax.

We've all had them: messy siblings, gross roommates, bad houseguests, or maybe you are the one who is oblivious to bathroom cleanliness in your household. 

In any of those cases, you know that something needs to be done or someone is going to go crazy.

This husband wrote his wife a letter after his previous cries for help went unnoticed. He goes item by item letting her know, in his own unique way, what he thought about her bathroom habits.

 Read below for the details of the hilarious list.

So the letter begins:

"To my darling Rosie,

Babe, can you remember 20 days ago, you said, “babe, I know my bathroom habits really piss you off, but I am going to change this year I promise!” Unfortunately, not much has changed. In fact, it’s worse, to the point that I now suffer from Bathroom Surprise Anxiety.

I thought the idea of twin vanities in, meant we got our own – you know, His and Hers. Why is it then, that my vanity basin has become a permanent storage container for your make-up brushes, bottles, lipsticks and whatever other ‘girl-magic’ you practice?"

Probably Rosie at this point in the letter

"You have 4 drawers and I have 1. Do you have some sort of Drawer FOMO that incites you to invade my only drawer area? Granted I do have the top-drawer vanity—and this is so I don’t have to bend down as far to get MY things; remember I am 6ft effing 6, compared to your 5ft 7, and I have 2 titanium hips, so bending isn’t my strong point."

Fun Fact: FOMO stands for "Fear Of Missing Out"

He starts off his list with toothpaste.

"Let’s talk about the actual Bathroom Contents and Hygiene: The Toothpaste: How effing hard is it to put the lid back on the tube so that when the next person (i.e. me) comes along to use it, it’s not dry and congealed like roadkill. Do we need his and her's toothpaste?? If I didn’t love you quite so much I may just be tempted to sabotage the toothpaste with some foreign matter (up to your imagination) to teach you a lesson."

What I assume their toothpaste looks like.

Moves strongly onto his next issue: his hair product

"American Crew Fibre — This is a male product (and I don’t give a shit about political correctness, it’s a bloody male hair product), yet I continually find your paw prints inside it with lid of course nowhere to be found, so when I need to use it, it is like a cross between panel beaters bog and polyspak filler instead of a beauty textured paste."

TBH, I really am not sure what he was saying in that last sentence....

And apparently, she's less about Secret and more about Old Spice.

"Deodorant – 3 words, Use Your Own!!!"

At least she's using some, right?

He is not fond of her towel habits...

"Bath towels – they belong on the hooks, not on the floor! For your well-educated benefit, the Oxford Concise dictionary defines HOOKS as the device that protrudes from the wall for you to hang things on."

That grosses me out too, tbh.

Throws in a couple more jabs

"MY Razor – My grandpa told me that the blokes should never ever share razors, I wonder what the old man would have said about a man’s wife using his razor? The bathroom bin fairy.Bathroom bin — tell me honestly, do you believe in some sort of bathroom bin fairy? We have been together for 8 years = 416 weeks, with the bin emptied once a week by me = 416 by me and donuts, zero, Roy Orbison by you ….. any chance babe?"

Probably this husband after he empties the trash for the 416th time.

And pulls the letter together with the grossest habit of them all:

"The Flush – contrary to your belief that flush is the term describing a winning hand in poker, the Flush is also a plumbing term. Look it up. Practice it."

Even this cat understands the concept.

In the end, he married her and still loves her very much.

"I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH – PLEASE CHANGE BATHROOM HABITS"

Awwwwww!

Read the original letter here:

Angie