AITA for moving out of state and abandoning my mom?

Are you ready for some family drama? A Reddit user shared their story about wanting to move out of state with their husband, only to have their mom accuse them of abandoning her.

The couple, both small business owners, are tired of California's high cost of living and are eyeing a move to Minnesota for a better quality of life. Despite having family support in their new location, the mom's reaction was less than supportive, claiming the user is choosing their husband's family over their own.

The thread is filled with supportive comments reassuring the user that pursuing their happiness and financial stability is not selfish. Many users highlight the importance of independence and making decisions that benefit their own family unit.

Some even share personal experiences of moving away from family and the challenges it brings. However, not everyone is on board with the move, raising concerns about the drastic weather change, cultural differences, and political landscapes between California and Minnesota.

Despite the differing opinions, the consensus remains that the user is not in the wrong for wanting to make a life-changing decision for themselves and their partner.

Original Post

Hi all! My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 3, and have always wanting to move out of state.

We both were born and raised in California, and quite frankly are just tired of the rat race here. We both have our own businesses (he’s a plumber, I’m a hairstylist), and make pretty decent money, but still can’t (and probably won’t ever) afford a house here in CA.

Even if we could afford a home here, we would be overworking ourselves and wouldn’t have the quality of life that we want. We have been back and forth about moving for the past 4 years.

We were dead set on moving to Tennessee in 2022, and then my dad unexpectedly passed, so we put moving on the back burner. Summer of 2023, we took a trip with my in laws to their families lake house in Minnesota, and fell in love with it.

Over the last 3 years, we have visited where my husband’s grandparents live in Minnesota (during every season), which is a small suburb outside of Rochester. We love it.

Love the small town feel, and love that within a 20 minute drive to the city, you have all your normal stores and lots of activities to do. Long story short, we have been going back and forth with moving.

My in laws actually just decided that they were going to move there, and bought a house. This kind of lit a fire under mine and my husband’s ass lol.

Having them there would make our transition MUCH easier. They have already told us that we could live with them for as long as needed, while we’re getting settled and finding jobs.

Anyways, I knew my mom wouldn’t react well, and surprise, she didn’t. She told me that I’m basically choosing my husbands family over my family and that I’m “leaving her high and dry” (along with a lot of other things) I know she’s sad, but the way she is talking about us moving is pretty hurtful.

I should also mention that my older sister has lived in multiple different states over the last 6 years with her family. I also have a younger brother who lived at home with my mom.

Am I really choosing one family over the other? Am I a horrible daughter for leaving the state, and choosing to do what my husband and I truly want?

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