Rich Mom Treats Her Son To An All-Expenses-Paid Trip To Asia But Refuses To Loan Her Partner $30K To Pay For His Daughter's European Trip
Finances are an important topic to settle before building a family together. It's important that both partners understand each other's responsibilities and agree on how much they will share financially.
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For this couple, a six-year relationship doesn't seem to be a long enough time to mediate their finances. When they met, OP (original poster) has been a widow for three years; OP and her current partner have no marriage plans at all.
She is a business owner, she comes from money, and her late husband left a substantial estate when he passed. Her current partner's lifestyle is not so far off from hers so money really isn't an issue... or so she thought.
OP has a high school-aged son and her partner has a college-aged daughter. She and her late husband made sure that their son did not grow up as a spoiled brat.
They gave him chores like keeping his room clean, he had housework during the weekend, and he also had to learn how to cook. They gave him a reasonable allowance and made sure that his high-value purchases are from his savings.
Her partner's daughter had a different upbringing. While she is a generally polite young woman who excels academically, she was very spoiled growing up.
For example, when OP and her partner moved in together, the daughter demanded to have OP's son's bedroom because it was the second-largest room in the house. OP said no because it's her son's safe space and the daughter is only home on the weekends from school.
They decided to go to therapy to define the parameters of their relationship where OP will treat the daughter as a guest in her home and nothing else. But this wasn't the end of their issues.
OP had no idea just how much money her partner was spending on his daughter
She was about to find out just how much money is being spent on the daughter. The daughter found out that OP will bankroll her son's trip to Asia.
It's her gift to him for getting into a coveted college. Once the daughter learned this information, she demanded that her dad pay for a European trip since she wasn't gifted with a tour when she got into college.
He readily agreed to her demand but later came to OP so he can borrow almost $30,000 for his daughter's trip. OP thought she was not even spending that much on her son's tour even though his tickets to Asia are more expensive.
OP refused. She said this wasn't an emergency situation and he could just send her on a trip when he could afford it maybe when she graduates.
Her partner is not refusing to talk to her. He says OP is picking favorites despite her having no role in his daughter's life.
He says OP is choosing money over his happiness as well as his relationship with his daughter. Should OP lend him the money? Or is she right to refuse his request?
"When I met my partner, I was a widow of 3 years."
"They spoil their daughter rotten!"
"My son is planning to do a tour of east Asia during the summer."
"I refused."
Before we judge, how much was OP willing to spend on her son's trip to Asia?
$30k does seem excessive when she was only spending $10K for her own son's tour
I don't think the daughter has a similar way of traveling with the rest of us
Correct!
$30K is a person's annual salary in the US. Some in other countries don't even make that much.
Her partner's reaction was indeed eyebrow-raising
We didn't even catch this initially. $30k is what he couldn't afford for her trip. How much is the entire cost of his daughter's trip?
The father and daughter need a quick reality check
Why is so crazy that OP is favoring her only son over her partner's daughter she has no relationship with
Take the silence as an invitation to meditate, OP
We need a better birth lottery system in our next lives
OP is right that it's not her stepdaughter's fault that she was raised spoiled but she is now an adult who should understand the concept of financial literacy
OP could try talking to her partner about sitting his daughter down to discuss what he can and cannot afford
OP may have no role in her stepdaughter's life but she seem to be the only adult who genuinely understand and respects her
OP's partner should take this as an opportunity to be honest with his daughter
She probably doesn't even know how much money they have and therefore, the limitations
OP doesn't feel like it's her place to give her partner some parental advice
It couldn't be clearer that OP is not at fault here. If he wants to treat his daughter then he has to do so using his own dime.
He can save until she graduates from college and see how far his money can take her
The point that he made was wrong and in this case, OP's money and her son's are emotionally tied to the late husband's passing
It is a difficult topic to discuss that her son's money is there because his father passed away. OP's partner shouldn't have accused her of playing favorites or putting money above his happiness.
OP is well within her rights and means to send her son on an expensive trip to Asia. He worked hard to get to a really great college and OP felt like he needed a reward.
She was also right to refuse the loan her partner was asking from her. He made the promise to his daughter and it's up to him to follow through with that promise.