15 Crimes Against Food That Should Never Have Happened

Sometimes the desire to get creative is actually a curse.

Elana

• Published in Funny
• October 18, 2019

Reddit is a wonderful, magical place. One of the best places to pass time is r/AskReddit. At this particular subreddit users can ask the Reddit universe any questions that pop into their minds and on occasion, the question is really good. Like, absolute gold. The answers roll in and it's impossible to look away from your screen.

Such was the case when Reddit user K3na asked Reddit: "Besides eating cereal with water, what is the most outrageous eating sin you have ever witnessed?" In retrospect, I wonder if any of us, even a single one of us, was prepared for some of the disturbing crimes against food that were submitted in response. I think not.

1. A1

sunset1214:

I used to be obsessed with A1. I would put it on everything possible because I loved it so much. One day I put it on jello. I no longer enjoy A1.

2. BURRNO

ZuckerRavioli:

Kid I used to know in school used to rip open his milk carton, and dip his burrito into the chocolate milk. Sometimes he’d even goes so far as to rip open the burrito and pour his milk onto the beef and eggs to. (I’m quoting him here.) ‘Creamify the meat.’ I don’t know man, but the word Creamify is just. ugh.’

3. Oh no baby, what is you doin'?

feral-hippie:

A former friend of mine once poured a can of Coors Light into a bowl of Cheerios. He called it Beerios.

4. Some things just aren't as good as the original.

maqako:

Fried eggs with chocolate melted on the yolk.

5. Way to ruin an oreo! This might be grounds for divorce, just sayin'.

ttbbbtph:

The wife dips Oreos in water like a psychopath.

6. You'll really love this one.

My mom puts peanut butter on cold pizza. It is the closest flavor to vomit that is not vomit.

7. Breakfast is served. Unfortunately.

thatonegirlyaknow:

My baby sister used to eat pancakes and ranch. My mom just accepted it because she was such a picky eater and this was something she just thoroughly enjoyed.We’re pretty sure it’s cuz my mom craved both when she was pregnant with her.

8. Bone Apple Tit

Greta-Ve:

Mustard on cheesecake. It wasn’t me it was a friend.

It was yellow mustard. Any kind of cheesecake.

You can’t compare it to mustard on a sandwich containing cheese — the flavour profiles of both are completely different. On top of that cheesecake is a sweet (yes and somewhat tangy) dessert, whereas normal cheese is just tangy (and all the other cheesy flavour profiles).

9. You need to disown your sister.

Shaymiester:

My sister used to put ketchup on strawberries.

10. Grape Milk

DWright_5:

When I visited my aunt’s family as a kid she served a ‘purple cow’ – milk mixed with grape juice – for breakfast.If you haven’t tasted that, take my word for it – it’s not a great concoction.

11. Breakfast.

TremulousHand:

I had a friend who went through a period where cake decorating was her hobby, and she made some amazing looking cakes that all tasted horrible because of the bizarre flavor combinations. It was always a bit funny because people would compliment the look of them and then have to figure out how to throw their pieces away without being rude about it. The worst one was a Christmas cake with an immaculate looking fondant Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer that was an orange spice cake covered in mint icing. It was like brushing your teeth and rinsing with orange juice in cake form.

12. Cracker Sammich

pixelpha:

My sister would make ritz cracker sandwiches, except the thing that went between the two ritz cracker ‘buns’ was another ritz cracker, except chewed up and spit out. it was disgusting.

13. Flakey.

actorrent:

I work at a pub/restaurant waiting tables. This couple walks in who I’ve never seen but are apparently regulars. The bartender sees them, shoots me a glance, and goes to grab something from the kitchen. Before even taking their order, he’s filled the crushed red pepper shaker and told me to take it over to them. The woman orders a small cup of French onion soup and proceeds to unscrew the cap of this shaker and dump the entirety of it onto her soup, an inch high off the top of her bowl. She’s eating this spicy red pepper like cereal and didn’t even ask for a drink refill.

14. Frothy Beer-ccino

fadeinthelight:

I used to work as a bartender. One day, a middle-aged man walked in and ordered a beer with milk.

Me: ‘Excuse me? You want the milk in the same glass as the beer?’

Customer: ‘Correct.’

So I poured him the beer and added milk in the same glass. It looked disgusting to me. I gave him the drink, he paid for it, happily drank his beer-milk and left.

Me right now:

Elana