Suspicious Of His Stay-At-Home Wife's Daily Chores, Husband Uses Home Security Cameras To Confirm If Her Workload Is As Taxing As She Claims

"Boss gets a dollar, I get a dime, forces me to watch his wife on company time."

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• August 22, 2023

Is there a good enough reason to spy on your spouse? An unresolved disagreement over household chores pushed a husband to monitor his wife's daily activities.

The husband thought he and his wife had a clear understanding of each other's roles in the family. He is the breadwinner while she is the stay-at-home parent who takes care of their 5-year-old daughter and two dogs.

They have been together since they were 21 years old. Up until this cyclical disagreement, OP thought they had a great relationship.

His wife has recently been complaining about the amount of work she does at home. OP was sympathetic at first and agreed to pick their daughter up from school every day to relieve some of the pressure from his wife.

The peace lasted a few weeks, then his wife heavily hinted at hiring a cleaning lady to alleviate her stress. OP disagreed but kept his thoughts to himself.

He was confused about why they needed a cleaning lady. They are a three-person household with two dogs in a 2700 sqft home.

He didn't think that was a lot of work. A few days later, his wife was ready to place an ad for a cleaning lady and asked OP what salary she should promise.

OP convinced her that he would take care of the hiring. His wife had no idea that OP assigned his assistant to monitor her activities through their home security cameras.

For two weeks, OP's assistant kept a daily log of his wife's activities which he reported to OP

OP saw his wife averaged around two hours of actual household work per day

She gets their daughter ready for school, goes back to bed, half-ass dog-related chores, cleans a bit, orders food, and sits in front of the TV while scrolling on her phone

She messages OP throughout the day to complain about the mountain of dishes she needs to wash while he watched her clean a bowl and a spoon at most

OP confronted his wife eventually. He wasn't willing to hire a cleaning lady when she spends most of her days doing the bare minimum. She didn't like what OP said and insisted how heavy her workload is.

Initially, people accused OP of underestimating the amount of work his wife accomplishes daily

It seems OP is accurate about the amount of workload his wife does since he pays for a meal and laundry service that halves her time-consuming chores

They then asked if OP's wife is depressed because her behavior heavily indicates that

They think OP should show more concern for his wife instead of trying of trying to prove his assumptions

OP admitted that he was initially concerned, but that died down when he proved that she was lying about her work

The most concerning thing is, OP used his assistant to spy on his wife! He violated her privacy and used his position to make his assistant do something morally questionable.

This toxic to-and-fro between husband and wife doesn't bode well for their marriage

OP's problem could be beyond Reddit's paygrade

They need a professional to untangle all of their messy feelings towards each other

What OP did was a massive a**hole move

They are not getting what they need from their relationship. Their ineffective communication is dragging other people in the middle of their strained marriage.

Unless OP and his wife put in the same amount of effort to fix what's rotting here, their marriage already has an expiration date

In other comments, OP made it clear that his wife doesn't want to have a job. She has a rich social life outside of their marriage, as well as plenty of hobbies and events to spend her time on.

The unfulfillment they feel isn't from an external source. I believe Redditors were right on the nose that these two probably feel trapped in their marriage with no idea how to proceed.

Chelsi