Redditor Threatens To Revoke Wife’s Access To Their Joint Bank Account Over Habit Of Dipping Into Their Savings To Splurge On Partly Disabled Sister

“She can’t piggyback off us for the rest of her life!”

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• November 11, 2023

Our narrator (Original Poster), a doting husband and father, found himself in the middle of a family saga that was both heartwarming and headache-inducing. 

His wife had a sister who suffered from a neurological condition. She could function normally for the most part, but things got chaotic when stress reared its head. Her condition made it difficult to work—but not impossible.

OP’s wife practically raised her sister, so their relationship resembled that of a mother and parent. She’d schedule all her appointments, make drop-offs, buy her gifts, and pay for everything she needed.

All this was fine when she was a minor, but as the sister blossomed into adulthood, OP noticed these gestures were never reciprocated—not even in the littlest ways. 

The sister was only five years younger; it wouldn't hurt to appreciate his wife with a gift once in a while—especially now she was making money from her freelance job. Money that somehow became nonexistent whenever she needed to pay for anything. 

It became apparent the sister had fallen into a pattern of dependency, and with the arrival of OP’s newborn, he was now the sole provider.

The financial strain began to wear on him as his wife continued to expend their resources on her sister—something had to give. 

OP confronted his wife about the issue, which led to a heated argument as his wife refused to see his point.

Now OP is considering limiting his wife’s access to their joint account to rectify the situation—they were practically living paycheck to paycheck; this had to end.

Let’s dig into the details

A little background

OP is unhappy that his wife spends money from their joint bank account on her “financially irresponsible” sister

Consequently, the couple fell out, and OP has threatened to revoke her access to the account

Some clarity on the matter

Here’s how the Reddit community reacted to the story:

According to this Redditor, OP has framed the situation poorly

“ESH because spending should be jointly decided upon.”

This Redditor has accused OP of being controlling, just because his wife isn’t capable of working at the moment

“YTA…You literally threatened to cut her off your joint finances if she doesn't do what you want.”

“ESH. You are the TA on pulling the “my money” since I’m the breadwinner. And Your wife needs to grow a backbone.”

“YTA because you think your wife not working after giving birth is spending ‘your’ money.”

“ESH. You have a very chauvinistic view towards gender roles in your marriage. And Your wife is setting you all up for financial ruin.”

“NTA your wife's sister is abusing her disability.”

“While I agree with you about the situation you don't get to play ‘my money’ when you have the sole income, that's controlling.”

OP’s wife's long-standing pattern of supporting her sister at the expense of their own well-being is unlikely to change overnight.

Redditors advise he should try apologizing and then restarting the conversation. He should state the need for them to focus on their own family now—college funds and their kids' future in general.

They could look into disabled social security cheques for her sister and other ways to help her.

What do you think about this story? Let us know in the comments.

Jesse