51 Grown-Ups Share the Most Hilariously Weird Fibs They Believed As Kids

Parents needed to lie to keep the harmony.

May

• Published in Interesting
• September 19, 2023

If you've ever bent the truth a bit to make your kids behave, join the club! A cool study in the International Journal of Psychology found that a whopping 84% of American parents have fibbed to tame those wild behaviors or boost the good ones. So, you're in good, fibbing company!

Sometimes, parents may tell small fibs or exaggerate the consequences of misbehavior to make it easier to discipline their children. For example, they might say something like, "If you keep making that face, it'll get stuck like that forever.

They may also lie to avoid unnecessary conflicts or tantrums. For instance, they might say a favorite toy is lost to prevent a meltdown, even if they know it's just temporarily misplaced.

Some parents use positive reinforcement by promising rewards or special treats for good behavior. While not necessarily a lie, it can be a way to motivate children through incentives (kids love rewards, after all!)

Moreover, parents often play along with magical or fantastical beliefs like Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny. Doing so preserves a sense of wonder and joy during childhood.

At some point, a light bulb usually goes off in our heads, and we're like, "Hold up! I remember all those times our parents fed us made-up stories just to make life more interesting, keep us busy, or lessen the chaos around the house."

In today's post, we'll take a look at the stories of adult Redditors who shared the silly lies their parents told them.

Keeping the little one from lying.

When I was really young my mom used to tell me a red dot (only visible to moms) would appear on my forehead when I lied. I used to cover my forehead when lying. Well played mom.. well played.

Candy witch

When I was a kid my parents told me and my brother about the candy witch. She was a nice witch who came on Halloween night when you were sleeping and took most of your candy, but left a present in return.

So my brother and I got to keep 10 pieces of candy and the rest went to the candy witch, and when we woke up we had awesome presents waiting for us. And that’s how my parents got to eat all our candy and prevented us from eating a s**t ton.

Super smart and will be using on my own kids.

How to make a kiddo keep quiet

To be quiet when hunting mushrooms because they would go back into the ground. Was in my early 20s before I discovered it was a ruse to just get us to shut the hell up.

Imagine believing this as a kid.

My grandma told us that smelling each other’s farts would give us enhanced strength and agility. Worst Christmas ever for us, funniest Christmas for her.

Silly dad

We were on a road trip one summer and I asked my dad what the purpose of rumble strips was.

He told me they were for blind drivers.

Awww.

My father always said the animals on the side of the road were just taking a nap because the road was warm.

How to scare a kid into brushing their teeth

If we didn't brush our teeth before bed mice will climb into your mouth and eat the food between your teeth. That's why your mouth tastes gross in the morning when you don't brush, the mouse poops in there

From puppy to human

My son had a patch on his arm that was a hairy birthmark. I told him that he'd actually been born as a puppy and that gradually he turned into a boy.

He lost his bark and used words instead, that he learned to walk on his back legs and to stop chewing bones and enjoy people food instead. The story was very elaborate, and then I dramatically grabbed his arm and pointed to the birthmark on his arm and declared this was the proof because it was the last bit of puppy skin left on him.

He really believed it for a while and was delighted to have been a puppy.

Nice one Mom!

My mom always told my brother and I that the car couldn’t work if we didn’t latch our seatbelts. She even faked a break down and pulled over on the side of the road when she caught us trying to sneakily unlatch to test her claim lol

It makes you wonder what's in the basement.

Dad told me those were tomatoes he was growing in the basement. They were not tomatoes.

Dad's a genius.

Toys R Us is closed when the R is backwards.

Elephant cocoons

Those big rolls of hay on farms...my dad always told us they were elephant cocoons. 

Stopping kids from honking

That if I kept hitting the horn in the car, it would run out of 'beeps' and we'd have to buy a new one and we couldn't afford that. I didn't know any different until I was 17 and learning to drive..

Poor kid.

My dad told my brother that growing in chest hairs is an excruciatingly painful process. Days later, as my brother walks past my dad in the living room, my dad clutches is chest and screams, "AAARRRGGHHHH! Another god damn chest hair!"

Scared bro sh**less. He believed it until he grew in his own. 

Himicanes

My mom said they only named hurricanes after girls otherwise they would be himicanes.

Fish = Aquatic Chicken

My sister hated eating fish when she was little, so whenever my parents fed it to her they told her it was "aquatic chicken". universal thing.

How to make kids behave in a store

That the mannequins in clothing stores were kids who didn't behave and were taken to the "dungeon" in the store. Where they would promptly be made into a mannequin...

The teacher got involved.

My parents when I was kid (starting from the time I was about 4), told me I was adopted from the zoo. Told my brothers and my entire family to tell me the same damn story.

The reason they said this is because my tailbone sticks out farther than it should. (IT IS WEIRD. I KNOW IT. DONT MAKE FUN DAMN IT).

So when my third grade teacher asked me to bring in a photo from where I was from. I moved to Florida from New york and I brought her a picture from one of the zoos up there.

I explained the story about how my dad stole a monkey from the zoo. Cut off my tail just far enough so I became human.

Needless to say she called my parents and they then had to explain to me i wasnt adopted from the zoo.

Hairballs

I was born with a full head of hair and my mom said that she knew I would have lots of hair because she would cough up hairballs while she was pregnant. It took until high school anatomy class for me to realize there is not a direct connection from your uterus to your throat.

Also women don't cough up hairballs

The cake myth

My parents got divorced somewhat early on, so my mom spent years being a single mother with four kids. Unsurprisingly, we were poor and didn't have dessert all that much.

When she would be able to bake a cake, we were forbidden to run or jump in the house because that would make the cake "fall" and be ruined. Of course we weren't willing to mess that up, so we would be quiet for an hour - which was exactly the intention.

Only somewhat ashamed to admit, I was in my early twenties, relaying this "fact" to my girlfriend, when it hit me what she had done.

Talking to mailboxes

My parents told me I had to tell the mailbox where a letter was going or else it wouldn't get there.

They would watch and laugh as 5 year old me would talk to the big blue mailboxes.

Maybe dad was just protecting them from the pain...

My dad told me my goldfish ran away.

9 o'clock is the new 12 o'clock

My parents used to set the clocks back on New Years Eve. For years we thought it was a special treat to stay up until "midnight" to ring in the new year, when really it was only 9 o'clock.

I never saw the Times Square ball drop until I was 16!

It sounds legit.

That the German for windscreen wiper was Flippenfloppenschmerenmachinen. It was a April fool that was believed for about 6 months

Pirates aren't scary!

When I was little (think six or seven) I was terrified of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. It just so happened to be one of my dad's favorites.

So, to help my sister and I get over our fears, he used some positive reinforcement. Every time we got on the ride, we would find a silver dollar next to us.

Dad said the pirates had given us some of their treasure. It took me an embarrassingly long time to put two and two together. I thought every kid got treasure.

They probably love to play with water.

When i was really young, my mum would unplug the bath and told me if i didn't get out before all the water had drained, i would get sucked down and have to live in the sewers...

One big MJ fan.

If I misbehaved, Michael Jordan would retire. I remember so vividly the first time he retired. Then I did everything they told me and he came back out of retirement.

Monkey eggs

My dad told me that kiwi fruit was actually monkey eggs.

This led to a bunch of rotten fruit under my bed.

Momma playing a prank

In order to get me to stop sucking my thumb when I was really young, my mom told me that if I kept on doing that it would turn red, then purple, and then fall off. I ignored her warning and kept on doing it.

One night when I was sleeping, my mom dyed my thumbs red. I woke up freaking out but quickly resumed sucking my thumb. The next night she dyed it purple.

I freaked out so bad I never sucked on it again.

Swedish New Year

One New Year's Eve when our daughter was about five, she decided that she wanted to stay up until midnight. By 9pm, she was overly tired and generally foul.

By 9:30, we had enough. We explained to her that since her dad is Swedish, we celebrated Swedish New Year.

Which we conveniently decided took place at 10pm. We all made it to bed by 10:30.

For the next few years, we celebrated "Swedish New Year" until she was old enough to put the pieces together and realize that she had been lied to.

Preventing the mischief

When I was little I badgered my mom to look at something while she was otherwise occupied and she said "I am looking, I have eyes in the back of my head."

For years after that I suspiciously examined the back of her head trying to find those hidden eyes.

Ask permission first, or else...

If I went outside without telling them where I was going, elves would kidnap me and only let me eat brocoli.

Getting kids to eat the crust

As a way to get me to eat my crust when I was younger, my parents told me that eating it would make me whistle. Unfortunately, I believed this until I was 15 because I’m a dumbass.

Maybe this mom saw it coming.

When I was a kid I asked my mom what the word was for a female's private parts, and she told me it was "vagola".

And then one day we were at a Thanksgiving dinner and my mom was being mean to me in front of my family, so I wanted to get back at her and yell something very inappropriate. Lets just say my family was very confused when I angrily yelled "VAGOLA!!!" to my mom at the dinner table.

When a fib becomes a punchline

When my siblings and I were younger my parents would sometimes (usually weekend mornings) lock their bedroom door.

One of us would almost always want to just come in and say what's up, but they would tell us through the door that they were in there talking about "Christmas presents."

Be it June, August, s**t even January, it didn't matter - That was the go to excuse since it worked. They played our asses.

Anyways, now all grown up, we kind of figured it out and it has become a punchline for our family now.

"Hey dad, did you get mom a good birthday gift? Hoping to have some serious discussions regarding our Christmas presents?"

Tag team

When I was little, my mom told me that, if I touched a caterpillar, my head would swell to twice it's size. She got my older sister to confirm it as well, saying she saw it on the news.

I believed this without question until I was 17 and my friend went to pick up a caterpillar. I said, "Don't! Your head will swell."

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I realized how stupid I was.

Dad knows everything.

My father didn't actively try but I was convinced that he knew everything. When I asked stupid kid questions like 'why is the sky blue?' or 'how does the sun shine?' he would whip out this long as ELI5-ish scientific explainations about them.

If he didn't know he would change the subject, research it later and then would tell me. He f-ed up when he was in a bad mood.

I was 6 maybe 7 and asking a generic question like 'what are we having for lunch?' It was the first time I've heard him say 'I don't know' and I was so shocked.

I even exclaimed 'But Dad you know everything!' I was 100% convinced that he was omniscient and he could have kept that illusion for so much longer :(

Still. Good job, dad, good job...

Bugs in the nose

My mom would tell me there were bugs in my nose when I had a cold to make sure I blew my nose.

A scary story

I had 7 ~~younger~~ brothers, which kept sliding down the staires and they all died.

I never slided down a stair. S**t is dangerous

Momma was just messing with her kiddo.

My mom once told me that while she was reading at the beach a severed hand washed up onto her foot. I was horrified for YEARS until one day I brought it up and she said "Oh, I wasn't serious." No life lesson involved, just some mom f**kery.

Stopping a kid from making silly faces.

My mom told me if I made weird faces, my face would get stuck that way.

Orange-newton

That orangutan was pronounced "Orange-newton".

Gotta clean up those toys.

My mom told me that if I was a pack rat, that meant actual rats would come and make nests in my things.

(I was about 7, and had been tossing toys and clothes behind a little couch in my room as a method of cleaning. After she told me about what being a pack rat meant, I tearfully knelt on the couch with a bent wire coat hanger, fishing things out, terrified of rats.)

Many parents lie about the crust.

Bread crust is the healthiest part of bread so I had to eat it. I was like 25 when I figured that one out.

Keep your promise or lose your pinky.

If you break a pinky promise your pinky will melt off over night

Bellybutton problem

They said if anyone poked my bellybutton my butt would fall off, so whenever a family member would tickle me or try to poke my bellybutton I would cry and run away.

Did this person do great in school after this?

Mess up in school and it will stay on your permanent record. That's the weirdest lie told to me by my parents.

Even the teachers got confused.

When asking what "Ped Crossing" meant on street signs, my parents told my sister and I that Peds were 2 headed dog beasts that were incredibly violent. They then proceeded to tell us vivid stories of their close encounters with these beasts and their narrow escape from death.

Needless to say, my teachers in school were quite confused when I tried to explain my fear of Peds.

The connection between veggies and TMNT

If you don't eat your vegetables, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will die.

Teaching good habits

My mom used to say: If I didn't cover my mouth while yawning, a bug would crawl into it. As stupid as that sounds, I still cover my mouth to this day. I hate bugs.

Every parent says this.

That I'm handsome.

Literally everybody else disagree. Thanks mom.

In a nutshell, parents telling little white lies is as common as peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Whether it's taming tantrums or keeping the magic alive, they've got tricks up their sleeves.

What lies told by your parents did you believe before? How many years did it take before you realized they were lying?

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