Transgender Woman Wears Dress To Honor Supportive Grandfather At His Funeral, Faces Backlash From Abusive Father

"I saw a very clear change in his expression."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• September 1, 2023

When we lose someone dear to us, it’s natural to want to celebrate their life in a manner they would have appreciated. But what happens when the way you wish to honor the deceased collides with the prejudices and judgments of family members?

This is the dilemma one Redditor found herself in when she wore a dress to her grandfather's funeral, sparking a family fiasco. OP, a 21-year-old transgender woman, has had a rocky relationship with her father, particularly because of his homophobic and transphobic attitudes.

Her grandfather, however, was an anomaly in the family—completely accepting and supportive of OP’s identity. Sadly, he passed away in February, leaving OP with the challenging decision of whether or not to attend his funeral and face her judgmental family, especially her father.

Despite warnings from her parents not to wear anything "feminine" so as not to "cause a scene," OP decided to attend the funeral in a simple, conservative dress. After all, it seemed to her that it was what her grandfather would have wanted.

Her father's visible change in expression upon her arrival was a precursor to the outburst that awaited her after the service. Once the formal proceedings were over, her father accosted her, shouting that she had ruined the day and made it impossible for him to mourn properly.

While the family looked on without intervening, OP was left feeling not only targeted but also guilt-ridden for potentially upsetting the atmosphere at her grandfather's funeral.

OP, a 21-year-old transgender woman, has had a rocky relationship with her father, particularly because of his homophobic and transphobic attitudes. However, her grandfather was supporting her decision.

Sadly, her grandfather passed away. Despite warnings from her parents not to wear anything "feminine" so as not to "cause a scene," OP decided to attend the funeral in a simple, conservative dress.

Once the formal proceedings were over, her father accosted her, shouting that she had ruined the day and made it impossible for him to mourn properly.

So now OP asks:

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

"Oh yes LET me just shut off my identity for a day /s" - it comes with a switch...

Is OP so distracting for their father that he forgot he was supposed to mourn?

The grandfather accepted her gender

Grown woman wearing an appropriate dress? Oh my god!

It’s not like OP wore a wedding dress...

"You dressed as who you are"

"You didn't ruin your grandfather's funeral - your father did"

While some may argue that funerals are not the place for "making statements," OP wasn’t there to make a statement but to say goodbye to someone who had shown her love and respect. If anyone made a "scene," it was her father, who turned a moment of mourning into a stage for his prejudices.

The guilt and frustration OP feels is understandable, but it's misplaced. The blame lies solely with those who prioritize their comfort over the dignity and identity of a family member.

In choosing to be true to herself and her late grandfather’s accepting spirit, OP was not the antagonist here, far from it. She was an example of what it means to honor a loved one authentically.

Damjan