Heavily Pregnant And Injured Woman Asks How To Refuse MIL's Offer Of Postpartum Help As She Can't Tolerate Her For 5 Weeks

"I just am always on edge when she's around"

Filip

• Published in Interesting
• December 9, 2023

Some people value their mental health much more than physical. For them, physical pain is something they can deal with, but the violation of mental health is something they can't bear.

Therefore, a Reddit user asked for advice on what she should do regarding her situation. The OP is currently 35 weeks pregnant and with a fractured ankle, which happened over a week ago.

The OP's MIL was visiting them when the injury occurred. The MIL initially minimized the severity of the OP's injury, showing annoyance at having to drive her to the hospital.

After tolerating several insensitive remarks from the MIL, the OP, overwhelmed with frustration, demanded she leave and insisted to her husband that the MIL needed to go. However, following an apology from the MIL, the OP felt forced to agree to her extended stay.

Surprisingly, the MIL was extremely helpful, although inconsistently fulfilling her promises to assist with cooking and chores. The MIL proposed to return to stay with the OP during the final phase of the pregnancy and after childbirth.

However, the OP is conflicted, recognizing the potential assistance the MIL could provide, especially considering the physical challenges of mobility and household management while heavily pregnant and on crutches. The OP's husband is supportive of the MIL's offer but leaves the final decision to OP.

The OP expresses concern about the MIL's return, citing her passive-aggressive nature and tendency to make snarky comments, which always puts her on edge. So, despite acknowledging the practical help of MIL's stay, the OP is hesitant to agree to a prolonged visit of 3-5 weeks, fearing boundary overstepping, particularly during labor.

She seeks advice on whether it would be selfish to decline the MIL's offer or how to establish clear boundaries if she gives her another chance and lets her stay.

OP asks:

OP explained her complicated relationship with her MIL:

But the MIL now wants to stay for the rest of her pregnancy and after the baby is born:

OP acknowledged it would be a great help to her husband:

However, she is hesitant to accept the offer because of the MIL's passive-aggressive behavior:

She asks if it'd be selfish to decline the offer:

OP should be selfish

She shouldn't allow her MIL to stay that long

The broken ankle will heal in time, but the broken relationship won't

She needs to talk openly about boundaries if she accepts the offer

Friends or neighbors may be a better solution

The husband should look after himself and help her if needed

"It's not about MiL or her feelings"

Redditors told the OP that it'd not be selfish if she declined MIL's offer to help; after all, it's on her to accept it or decline. As for her husband, he is an adult and should be able to look after himself and even help her with household chores and their newborn.

Filip