Father Asks If He Should Tell His Daughter He's Divorcing Her Mother Because She Trapped Him Into Marriage

"I planned to divorce her as soon as our child was grown up."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• October 3, 2023

Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. The reasons for separation are often complex and fraught with emotional undertones.

The story of a 39-year-old man seeking divorce from his wife brings forth an ethical dilemma: Should he tell his 19-year-old daughter the real reason behind their divorce or not? At the age of 20, the man's then-girlfriend, now-wife, purposefully got pregnant to compel him into marriage.

This wasn't mere speculation; she openly admitted it. Over the years, he harbored resentment towards his wife, never forgiving her for what he considered an act of manipulation.

Despite this, he decided to stick it out until their daughter, Callie, grew up. Now, Callie is 19 and about to start university.

OP informed his wife that he plans to divorce her, as he initially intended. His wife didn't take it well, and worse, she told Callie that her father wanted a divorce because he had a "side piece."

This led to a strain in the father-daughter relationship, which was especially painful for the man, as he cherished his daughter above all else. The issue is whether or not the man should reveal the real reason for the divorce to Callie.

He doesn't want his daughter to think poorly of him based on false information. Yet, sharing the truth could potentially destroy her relationship with her mother.

OP says:

At the age of 20, the man's then-girlfriend, now-wife, purposefully got pregnant to compel him into marriage.

Despite this, he decided to stick it out until their daughter, Callie, grew up. Now, Callie is 19 and about to start university.

OP informed his wife that he plans to divorce her, as he initially intended. His wife didn't take it well, and worse, she told Callie that her father wanted a divorce because he had a "side piece."

OP should tell his daughter before her mother turns her completely

However, he should approach her carefully

"Also point out that you aren't trying to make her hate her mother."

"Your entire relationship with your wife will turn out to be a lie"

Daughter doesn't need to know any of this background

OP and his wife come from religious families, and he believed marrying was the right thing to do at the time.

How can they be sure all this hate and resentment won't rub off on their daughter?

What would his daughter learn from the full truth?

It's clear that the man is caught between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, his wife is already smearing his reputation to his daughter.

On the other hand, revealing the truth could irrevocably alter Callie's relationship with her mother. But given that his wife has already been damaging the relationship between him and his daughter by propagating lies, it could be argued that he has the right to clear his name.

In this situation, it's vital to weigh the potential emotional trauma his daughter might endure against the injustice he is currently facing. It's important to consider long-term implications—will this revelation serve to empower his daughter by granting her the full scope of information to make her own judgments, or will it cause more harm than good?

Damjan