This Young MTF's Stunning Transformation Took Two Years But Was Totally Worth It

She documented her journey on HRT, and even though she isn't finished, she is definitely happy.

Elana

• Published in Interesting
• May 8, 2020

22-Year old Taylor lives in Colorado, USA where she has spent the last 18 months intentionally documenting the big changes in her life: undergoing HRT. HRT, or Hormone Replacement Therapy to help her feel better about herself. The bio-chemical engineer student has been sharing pictures and stories from her journey on Reddit and Instagram and the transformation is incredible. Seeing Taylor's smile grow and beam is a testament to how important it is to allow and support people to affirm their gender.

Taylor has felt dysphoria with her body her whole life but when she began to transition she began to feel better. Taylor has said that she is not done with her transition, but the path so far has been profound and we are so on board to amplify her voice and share her joy.

Taylor said:

"I guess I just feel like a real person now. Like, everything was gray before. I was alive, but I wasn’t living, if that makes sense. I was acting like a real person and doing things that real people did but everything felt pretend."

She continued:

"Even just after starting hormones, the difference was astounding. I only had estrogen in my body for a couple of days and everything had noticeably changed. It was like an alarm had been ringing in the back of my head my entire life and I was so used to it that I thought it was normal, but all of a sudden it was gone and for the first time in my life I could actually LIVE and hear everything so clearly without the alarm drowning everything out."

She described her body's changes:

"It was like I could see colors for the first time, like I’d never really smiled and I was just learning what it felt like, like I’d never noticed all the beautiful trees and flowers and weeds and rocks around me.Then, as my body started changing, I’d wake up every day excited to notice something new. My muscles I hated so much (I lifted weights a lot in my denial phase) were suddenly shrinking, my boobs were growing, my skin was softer and more sensitive to the touch. I’d bump my chest against the door frame ’cause I wasn’t used to having anything there to bump. A few months later, the same thing started happening with my hips."

"I started seeing a real person in the mirror. Like the mask I’d worn my whole life was slowly fading away and each day my reflection made more and more sense."

Next came some emotional changes. Taylor explained:

"I started experiencing emotions like I always wished I could."

She continued:

"experienced emotions I didn’t even know existed. I would cry at a cute meme on Instagram or a touching story from another trans girl and it felt like pure ecstasy."

As well:

"When I felt angry or sad, I didn’t have to bottle things up and let them out in bursts of anger. I could cry and feel and experience the sadness and feel it slowly melt away from me."

And how does she feel now?

"So I guess in summary, I feel ‘real’ now. I feel happy and right and content and grateful that I’m finally able to live as a real person.”

"Absolutely LOVING LIFE right now"

"My arms have by far been my biggest sources of dysphoria. I didn't think they'd changed much at all since I started HRT. I notice them nearly every day. ⁣"

"Exactly 1 year between each of these pics"

On Instagram, Taylor shares alot about her journey and encourages her fellow transgender followers:

"I've been kinda discouraged with changes the last couple months. Ever since I (badly) cut my hair in February, I've been seeing that old face in the mirror, with or without makeup. ⁣I hadn't even worn that dress since I got it. Last time I did I ended up in tears. It didn't fit quite right and all I could see was my massive arms and shoulders. ⁣

⁣After dolling myself up the other night though... omgosh no dysphoria, no ugly guy in the mirror, maybe a couple tears but for very different reasons. I felt more myself than I've felt in a while.

⁣I decided it might be cool to compare it with the last 2 years, and the differences seem undeniable. This is April 27th, 2018, 2019, and 2020. I remember the middle pic like it was yesterday, but the old one seems like a lifetime ago. ⁣

⁣If you're feeling dysphoric and scared that changes aren't happening, just remind yourself that they don't come every day. ⁣I know how hard it can be to be patient, but transition is a marathon, not a sprint. Just hang in there and remind yourself of how far you've come. Even if you're pre-transition, just finding the strength to admit who you are and decide to start this journey is 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵. You're still further than you've ever been"

"Really good day."

"I seriously can't believe how much my life has changed since taking the first photo (around 3 years ago)."

"I spent over 10 years of my life feeling alone. I felt like something was wrong and I couldn't understand what. I felt desensitized to everything, like I was just going through the actions but I wasn't actually living my life. ⁣

The first picture was one of the "happiest" selfies I've been able to find of myself pre-transition. The difference in my eyes is the most shocking part of this for me. In all my old photos, you can tell that someone is in there, but just barely. I was existing, but I wasn't living. ⁣"

"There's no such thing as too late."

"...only 14 months ago, I was telling myself it was too late. I didn't see how HRT would ever be able to feminize such a hideous body. ⁣I thought it was too late. ⁣

⁣I'm by no means the only trans person who has struggled with this particular fear. It's unfortunately a common experience. I've talked to some gals in their 50s who thought it was too late, and I've also talked to some teens who believed the same. ⁣

⁣If I'd listened to this fear... if I'd put transition out of my mind because I thought it was too late for me, I wouldn't have any of the happiness in my life that I do now. I'd still be a miserable shell of a person, going through the motions and struggling to just exist."⁣

"I was terrified, and almost exactly 1 year ago, I took that first blue diamond with absolutely no idea what would happen. And that was the single best decision in my life."

My last 4 years of college:

And the future continues to look bright for Taylor.

Elana