Teenager Feeling Like Outsider In Her Father's Established Household, Asks What To Do

"My step mother is always wanting me to "feel included" as she would say."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• March 7, 2024

Starting a new family after a divorce can be tough. Especially when you have kids from both sides. Making sure everyone feels like they belong can be tricky. 

You have to be patient, talk openly, and understand each other. It's all about finding the right balance so everyone feels happy and included.

OP's parents divorced when she was young, around 7 or 8 years old. They both remained single for a while until about three years ago when OP's father met his soon-to-be stepmother, who has two children.

OP's father began a relationship with his soon-to-be stepmother, and her children met him after a few months of dating long before OP had the chance to meet her. Consequently, OP's father, stepmother, and her children formed a close bond quickly and became a family unit.

However, OP didn't meet her until after this bond had already formed, making it challenging for her to integrate into the family dynamic. Being an only child exacerbated this feeling, as everyone else seemed settled into their roles while she felt like a stranger entering the family alone.

For the past two years, OP's father has been living with his new family, having sold their childhood home to buy a house in the school district where the stepmother's children attend school. Despite this, OP spends most of her time at her mother's place, feeling like the odd one out when she visits her father's home. Without a bedroom of her own, she sleeps on the couch and faces a half-hour commute to school.

While her father and the rest of the family enjoy each other's company, OP often finds herself watching from the sidelines, feeling excluded. Although OP's stepmother tries to make her feel included, she feels displaced by the arrival of her father's new family, where he now spends more time with his stepchildren than with her.

This situation has led OP to limit her visits with her father to once every few weeks, usually preferring one-on-one time together. Feeling like the odd one out in what should be her own family is a painful experience for OP, who seeks advice or support from others who have gone through similar situations.

When OP was 7 or 8, her parents divorced, recently, her father met her soon-to-be stepmother, who has two children, aged 10 and 14.

OP's dad bonded quickly with her soon-to-be stepmother and her children, forming a strong family bond before OP even met them.

OP struggled to fit in with her family because they had already formed a strong bond before she came into the picture.

OP's dad moved in with his new family two years ago and sold their family home to purchase a house in the school district where OP's stepmom's kids attend.

OP doesn't have a bedroom there, so she sleeps on the couch.

Rather than feeling like their families have blended, OP feels like she is striving for acceptance into theirs.

OP is seeking advice and understanding from those who've experienced similar situations.

The discomfort OP feels usually leads her to see her dad only once every few weeks.

It feels more like a friend's crash spot than a family living situation.

OP should let her father know she wants time with him.

OP needs to talk to her father.

They may not realize how OP feels and need her guidance to improve things.

OP can consider making a list of her requirements and expectations, such as having her own space.

He bought the house without considering OP's needs.

It seems like OP doesn't feel quite at home when she visits her dad's place. She's more like a guest crashing on the couch than a real part of the family.

She needs to tell her dad that she wants to spend more time with him, just the two of them. He might not realize how she's feeling, so she has to speak up and let him know.

OP could also think about what she needs, like having her own space when she visits. It's clear that her dad didn't really think about what would work best for her when he bought the house.

So, it's time for OP to have a chat with her dad and make sure he understands what she needs to feel comfortable and included in their family.

Damjan