Young Man Struggles With Narcissistic Stepbrother While Parents Turn Blind Eye

"I don't know what to do, I've tried bringing this up but it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. "

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• March 7, 2024

These days, a lot of families are made up of step-parents and step-kids living together, which can be tricky. Everyone has their personality and past experiences, and it can be tough to make everyone get along well. This story shows us what it's like inside a family like this, where there's love but also old hurts and unfair treatment all mixed up.

It's about a young guy who's trying to make things better for everyone at home. OP, a 20-year-old, shares a story about his struggle within his blended family, which includes his mother, stepdad, younger step-sister (10f), and step-brother (7m).

Their family history is marred by the shadows of past relationships with abusive and narcissistic ex-partners. The OP’s mother and stepfather have found solace in each other, yet this new beginning is not without its challenges.

A particular point of contention is the apparent bias his parents show towards his step-brother, often at the expense of his step-sister's emotional well-being. The OP expresses his frustration with the double standards prevalent in his household.

His step-brother, exhibiting troubling behavior, is often coddled and excused, while his step-sister faces criticism for minor transgressions. This disparity in treatment has not only caused tension but has also placed the OP in a moral dilemma.

Despite his efforts to address this bias, his concerns are met with indifference, leading him to question his role and effectiveness as a brother.

OP and his mom, moved frequently across the East Coast during the mid-to-late 2010s to escape his abusive, drug-addicted father, now he lives with his mom, his stepdad, step-sister, and step brother.

OP's stepdad is great, he also has two kids from a previous relationship with an abusive ex.

They favor OP's step-brother and often dismiss his step-sister, wrongly attributing her behavior to her mother's influence, which is untrue and frustrating.

His step-brother often behaves disruptively, resorting to crying to get his way and becoming physically aggressive—hitting, kicking, and pushing—when he doesn't.

OP is feeling lost, he addressed it, but it's like speaking to a wall, and thinks it's unfair how they criticize his step-sister but excuse his step-brother's errors.

Scapegoated children often reduce or cut off contact with their parents to protect themselves.

OP should support his step-sister; she needs him now more than ever.

Addressing unfairness openly in front of parents can be effective, as confrontation, even if passive-aggressive, can prompt reconsideration of the behavior.

It's ironic OP's parents are turning into what they once avoided.

OP should engage in an open conversation to establish clear boundaries and expectations.

OP should support his step-sister and guide his step-brother on the consequences.

OP has the opportunity to support his sister, silence might lead her to normalize mistreatment, risking future abusive relationships.

OP should address problematic behavior directly.

It's super important for OP in the story to be there for his step-sister, especially since she might be feeling left out and hurt. Talking openly with his parents about what's going on could help them see they're not being fair.

It's kind of ironic that the parents are doing some of the same things they didn't like in their past relationships. But OP has a chance to speak up and set some clear rules for how everyone should be treated.

By speaking out and helping his step-sister while also teaching his step-brother about right and wrong, OP can make a big difference in their family. Staying quiet might make his step-sister think that being treated unfairly is normal, which could cause problems in the future.

So, he needs to address the unfairness and make things better for everyone.

Damjan