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OP and her husband have been married for four years and have three children: two from previous marriages, (12M) and (10M), and (18F), who lives with them full-time.
Recently, O, who just started college, has been bringing friends over to hang out at their house, and they are leaving a mess behind.
OP recently hired a housekeeper to clean the house once a week, but her friends made the entire house filthy before OP could come home.
OP was upset by the mess and asked her stepdaughter to pay for the damages, or she would stop paying for her phone.
OP emphasizes again that the cleaning service is expensive
OP has a ring camera
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:
OP might have ruined the relationship with her stepdaughter
How are footprints and pizza crumbs damage?
"This is an unlivable situation for everyone"
How can you be so upset over crumbs?
While it's understandable that OP is frustrated with the situation, it may be helpful for her to approach the conversation with (18F) in a compassionate and understanding way. It's possible that (18F) and her friends didn't realize the extent of the mess they were making and could benefit from guidance on how to be more considerate guests.
Ultimately, it's up to OP and her husband to decide how to handle the situation, but finding a solution that respects everyone's needs and feelings will be important for maintaining a healthy family dynamic.