Single Mother Of Two Faces Challenges While Being The Main Support For Her Sister In Raising Her Nephew

"Our brothers claim that I spoil our sister and I need to put my foot down.'

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• January 11, 2024

When it comes to helping our family with money, it's not always easy to figure out how much is enough. We might wonder if we're spoiling them or if we're obligated to help.

It's a tough question because family is important, and we want to be there for them. But at the same time, we need to be responsible with our finances.

So, let's talk about how to find the right balance between helping our family and taking care of ourselves. OP (28 F) is the oldest of 4 kids.

Her sister (26) has a 5 y/o son. OP was one of the first people her sister told about her pregnancy, and she is very involved in her nephew's life, especially because his dad passed away when he was a baby. Since then, OP's sister has mastered the art of manipulating her into being more of a second parent to her nephew.

The problem is that OP is also a single mom with two kids. Her nephew is set to start school in a couple of weeks, and her sister keeps asking OP to buy a lot of the things he "needs." OP's kids will also be going back to school in a few weeks, so she has to buy their things as well.

Their parents tend to help OP's sister take care of her nephew a lot, but OP doesn't get any help with her kids. On the rare occasions that her sister offers to take OP's kids for a few days, she has to send money with them because her sister won't spend hers on them.

Meanwhile, OP's nephew has been with her for the entire summer, and her sister hasn't once offered to send money for him. Now that her sister is insisting that OP helps her buy his things, she's strongly considering telling her no, but she's worried that that's the wrong thing to do.

Their brothers claim that OP spoils their sister and she needs to put her foot down. OP feels bad for her sister because she never planned to be a single mom, whereas OP did.

Plus, OP is in a better financial position, so she feels like she's obligated to help. Is she?

OP's sister has a 5-year-old son and OP has been involved in her nephew's life due to circumstances, almost like a second parent.

The issue is that OP is a single mom with two kids, and her sister is constantly asking her to buy a lot of things for her nephew who is starting school soon.

OP's sister gets help with her child from their parents, but OP doesn't get the same help with her kids.

OP is unsure if she should say no because she doesn't want to spoil her, even though OP is in a better financial position.

Constantly assisting her won't help her become self-sufficient, so OP should stop helping her.

If OP continues this pattern, her sister may start relying on her for other expenses.

If OP doesn't want this to continue, it's important to communicate with her.

OP is not responsible for her nephew's expenses; it's her sister's duty as a parent.

She's exploiting OP's kindness.

OP should consider her brothers' opinions for a more objective perspective.

While it's reasonable to help her during a tough time, this assistance should be fair and temporary.

OP's sister's behavior seems exploitative, and her brothers' advice to assert herself is valid.

OP shouldn't sacrifice herself for others; she has her own family to care for.

If OP keeps helping her sister without any clear limits, it won't teach her sister to stand on her own feet. So, it's a good idea for OP to stop giving unlimited help. If she keeps doing this, her sister might start relying on her for more and more things.

To fix this, OP needs to talk honestly with her sister about the situation. While it's fine to help families during tough times, this assistance should be temporary and fair.

OP shouldn't sacrifice herself or her own family's well-being for others. So, OP needs to speak up and set clear limits to protect her family's finances.

Damjan