Ten Simple Things People Apparently Just Can't Do

As functioning adults, we should probably be able to tell our left from right and cut paper in a straight line.

Stephanie

• Published in Funny
• June 20, 2019

There are certain things in life we are just expected to be able to do. For example, as functioning adults, we should probably be able to tell our left from right and cut paper in a straight line. Perhaps we should even be able to eat with chopsticks and walk around with a drink without spilling it. Right?

Well, you might think so. But apparently that's not always the case. Like for these 10 Reddit users for instance, who have bravely shared their stories online of times when they have struggled to do the simplest of tasks.

Scroll down to feel their pain!

#1 Study

I remember last year in trig, I had like a month to study for my final but I told myself I would begin quickly. Days of putting it off turned into weeks until I only had two left. I told myself I’d really buckle down and FORCE myself to study from now until the final. Nope, I just kept saying I’d do it tomorrow until it got down to one week and I hadn’t even started studying yet.

At this point I’m basically begging myself to go study, but I’m still refusing to and the days go on. I keep telling myself I’ll just study extra hard from here on out to make up for it. Nope. The final is now Wednesday and it was Monday … I still hadn’t even opened my notes or textbook.

I was tired after work Monday night and said, “Screw it, I’ll just pull an all nighter and study the entire course tomorrow night after work. After begging myself to study for an entire month, I finally opened my textbook to study that Tuesday, a day before the final. I got through literally one chapter and said “I’m way too tired for this, I’ve already gone over this stuff once, I can’t have forgotten that much. I’ll just go over some tough spots at lunch at work tomorrow”.

I actually did study for my entire lunch at work the next day, the day of the final and crammed everything I could. 1 hour for lunch isn’t nearly enough time to study an entire course worth of work … I realized how much I don’t know. So there I am, my procrastination definitely had got the better of me that month, and I’m in class 10 minutes before the exam frantically studying at my desk.

Got a D on the exam. C in the course. Had a strong B up until then.

#2 Pronounce Caterpillar

My wife, for the life of her, cannot actually say the word “caterpillar”. It always comes out as “capertillar”.

Our young daughter finds it hilarious, she once spent about 10 minutes going:

daughter: say “cat”

wife: “Cat”

daughter: say “er”

wife: “er”

daughter: say “pillar”

wife: “pillar”

daughter: say “caterpillar”

wife: “capertillar”

What makes it even funnier is that she is fully convinced that she is saying it correctly.

#3 Use Chopsticks

Using chopsticks, asking for cutlery in Japan was an experience.

#4 Magic Eye Puzzles

Those damn magic eye puzzles where you cross your eyes and you see a shape. Can’t cross my eyes which makes them nearly impossible. I’m 100% convinced that those images are a lie and everyone is just in agreement to lie about what they see.

#5 Drink and Walk

I can’t walk and drink at the same time. Just end up spilling tea or whatever all over myself like a toddler.

#6 Forget About Food

Stop thinking about food. Apparently there are people out there for routinely forget to eat a meal, which is as mystifying a concept to me as walking on water.

#7 Tell Left From Right

Instantly tell my left from my right. I always have to take a couple of seconds to picture making an ‘L’ with my left hand before I can confidently tell if I want to go right or left.

#8 Figure Out Distance

Estimate distance, that wall could be 20cm or 10m away.

#9 Whistle

Whistle with my fingers. I’ve been trying to learn for years and I still cant do it.

[response:]

So I actually learned to whistle from the last thread like this. I tried searching for it but I can’t find it anywhere.

Basically, there was two main points that helped me to get my mouth in the right shape to whistle.

Your tongue is super important. Whistling isn’t a case of blowing air through your lips, you want to blow the air down, across the back of your teeth, once you get better, you can try using your tongue for tone control, but for now, you want to tense it up with the point right below your bottom row of teeth.

Second, your lips, you need to make an ‘O’ shape with your mouth, but a small one, You know how someone looks when they whistle, you’re probably already able to mimic this quite well.

The best way to get your mouth in this shape is to say ‘Q’ (in an American accent, my British accent didn’t get my mouth into the right position at all). Make sure your tongue is tensed as you round out saying ‘Q’, hold it as you’re saying the ‘ew’ part, and blow.

It took me whispering ‘Q’ to myself repeatedly to get it, but you’ll eventually get it, if you practice whenever you’re alone for like a week you’ll get it.

Just keep whispering ‘Q’, KKKEEEEUUUUUUWWWWWWW, over and over. Remember your tongue needs to be straight and tense, with the point sitting at the bottom of your bottom row of teeth, and your mouth needs to make the ‘O’ shape.

#10 Cut Straight

Cut a straight line even if there are lines drawn.

Stephanie