Shattering The Myth Of ‘Real Men Don’t’ Because Real Men Do Whatever The Heck They Want

Unpacking the absurdity of masculinity’s "do’s' and 'don’ts'

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• March 17, 2024

In a world where toxic masculinity still rears its ugly head, the expectations placed on men can often be suffocating and downright damaging.

But thankfully, amidst the sea of crazy, there’s a glimmer of hope. More and more men are tossing these narrow definitions of masculinity out the window and embracing a more inclusive and authentic version of themselves. 

One brave Redditor, u/callmevicious, even dared challenge the absurdity of it all. With a simple question, they opened the floodgates to a deluge of ridiculous ‘real men don’t’ mandates, showcasing just how laughably outdated and harmful these stereotypes truly are.

From the moment a man wakes up and pours himself a cup of coffee, he's expected to adhere to a set of random rules. Real men don't put cream in their coffee, they say. But as one wise Redditor pointed out, real men don't give a damn about what other men think of their beverage choices. Preach!

But the coffee conundrum is just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine being told that your masculinity is in question because you cook, enjoy a mocha, or—gasp—use sunscreen. As one brave soul sarcastically put it, "I am, in fact, gay then because I cook." Who knew culinary skills and sexual orientation were directly correlated?

It’s not even just about what men consume—it's about how they behave as well. Hugging their own children? Apparently, that's a no-no in the world of toxic masculinity. Because nothing says ‘manly’ like depriving your offspring of affection.

So buckle up and prepare to dive headfirst into the world of the stupidest "real men don't" statements you've ever heard.

1. Barbie movie equals being a Beta Male? Nah, it just means some men appreciate a good storyline and fabulous fashion.

I recently saw “If you’re a straight man and go see the Barbie movie you’re 100% a beta” I thought, “I’m so sorry that someone called you a beta once and that ever since you’ve been critical of your fellow man by hamfistedly dissecting everyone’s choices through an arbitrary and nonsensical social hierarchy platform that only exists to a few and matters to less!

Bruh, you could do with some content that boldly and artistically tackles some questions of who we are in the universe, society and what real support and true friendship looks like. Maybe go see Barbie?”

2. I'll stick to saying "thingamajig," thank you very much.

My dad told me once, "Men don't say thingy."

And frankly I agree. A man should speak eloquently. Be sure to enunciate. A say specifically what you mean.

Besides, there are way better words than 'thingy".

For example, doohickey, thingamajig, whatchyacallit, or whoswhatsit are of my favorites.

3. Perfect response

Real men don't put cream in their coffee. I responded with, "real men don't give a s**t what other men think of their beverage choices."

4. One moment of silence for all the kids who had ‘real men’ as fathers. The battle with diaper rash must've been intense.

5. Just when we thought we’d heard it all

Once saw a woman on twitter say something like “if a man is too eager when the free bread gets to the table that’s sus” and I was just blown away by that on.

6. Two of the most hilarious takes on ‘Real Men Don’t’ that you’re gonna see in a while

1. My cousin was working at a chocolate shop and said a guy barged in asking for "chocolate for MEN." She never did figure out what he was talking about.

2. My grandfather firmly believed real men didn't smile in photos. Smiling = gay in his mind (needless to say he was a homophobe).

7. It’s now a crime for Dads to show affection to their own kids

Real Men don't show their own children affection or accept affection from them, apparently.

Edit: Holy s**t this blew up. On behalf of all dads out there, I’m sending all of you a virtual hug. Every kid deserves to know they’re loved.

8. Ah, yes, because the angle at which men inspect their nails directly correlates with their masculinity.

I was told that really men never look at their nails with their palm down and would only ever look at their nails with their palm up and fingers curled.

I gotta wonder how secure in your masculinity you've got to be to spend time even thinking about the right way to look at your nails.

9. If you’re a cat dad, the ‘Real Men Association’ are coming for you

"Real men don't have cats."

Laughable

10. Screaming doesn’t make you manly; it just makes you annoying.

My friends once introduced me to this guy who was talking REALLY LOUDLY.

I thought maybe he didn't realize how loud he was being so I said "you're a little loud."

Dude said "real men talk loud. Chicks like that."

I did not like that.

11. Right, because the only thing on a man's mind when he eats a banana is... well, you get the point.

12. Real men wear pink. And look damn good doing it.

Wear pink. Pink is an awesome color - and you’re a little b***h if you think I’m not rocking an awesome color.

13. So, a man can’t have a Luna Bar?

Not sure if it counts, but a young woman wouldn’t sell me a Luna Bar because it’s made for women. I said “No. It’s marketed to women. But I like this flavor.” She said “I can’t sell it to you. It has estrogen in it.” We had a frustrating back and forth before I finally convinced her that I was willing to take the risk and she sold it to me.

14. So relationships are now a power struggle and not a partnership?

Real men don't love their women as much as or more than she loves him. He has to always love her less and be less emotional to hold more power in the relationship.

15. Real men don’t know what they’re missing then. If you know, you know.

16. Tell that to all the male sports fans who cry when their team loses a huge game

"cry" literally everyone cries stfu.

17. Shoutout to all the dads who hug their sons and show them affection You’re the REAL MEN.

"Hug their sons."

My dad hugged my brother for the first time when he was 18 and graduated high school. Dad was raised by his parents to not show outwardly love towards his children because that would "spoil" us. Our childhood was...odd.

First and last time I saw my dad cry was when his bird hunting dog died. As he dug the hole to bury it in their backyard. 

The older generations were tougher, sure, but I know my dad would have benefited greatly from being hugged more as a child. That s**t gets passed down.

18. Apparently, if you order dessert, you’re not a real man. My triple chocolate cheesecake would disagree with you.

"Real men don't order dessert."

I'm sorry, it's "gay" to like sugar? This real man is gonna deep throat a bananas foster while holding eye contact with you the entire time.

19. Ah, yes, because nothing says "manly" like paying full price

I was at Joanns and the man behind me in line was buying something for his wife and didn't have any coupons. I told him about the app and the website and offered to pull up my coupons for him to use.

He laughed and said "Boys don't use coupons"

So weird. It's free money. How fragile is your masculinity that you pay full price when you don't have to.

20. I couldn’t have said it any better

21. Andrew Tate has somehow slipped into this discussion

22. Drinking fruity cocktails = Not a ‘real man’

Drink fruity cocktails, dude, my cocktail has 5 spirits in it, it's way more alcohol than your 3.x% abv. beer and it tastes nice .

23. Imagine being forced to lift more weight than you can carry (which could possibly cause an injury) just to prove you’re a real man

Real men don't lift under (insert weight). Everyone has to start somewhere d**k head. I have been lifting for years but when I see a new kid try lifting crazy heavy with bad form I warn him it's a good way to get hurt. If they don't listen then that's on them.

24. “Sorry, Paul, but I'll take that raspberry cheesecake over your toxic masculinity any day.”

25. Who needs instructions when you can just wing it and end up with a half-built shelf?

Read the Instructions.

26. You’re gay if you cook, drink fruity cocktails or eat chocolate.

27. If you’re a ‘real man’, avoid the word ‘cute’…..signed: President Of The Real Men Association

A guy at work described something his daughter did as “cute” and then some douche told him that men aren’t supposed to call things cute.

28. Sunburns, stinky butts, and yelling. The ultimate ‘real man’ starter pack

29. Apparently, shoulder and back pain is a sign of manliness.

My former boss would die on the hill of "real men don't use rolling suitcases." He'd sooner throw out his shoulder carrying a heavy duffel bag than ever be caught dead rolling a suitcase through an airport.

Edit: forgot to add he also thinks "neck pillows are fruity" and can't stand when men wear them around their neck on planes. Also, re: the comments about benefits of hiking backpacks, I don't think I ever saw him sport a two-strap. Fellas, is it gay to have even weight distribution on your shoulders?

30. Sacré bleu!

In conclusion, real men embrace vulnerability because true strength lies in the courage to be yourself, flaws and all. Let's leave behind the absurd notion of 'real men don't' and embrace a world where men are free to be their authentic selves.

So go ahead, order that dessert, hug your kids, and live your truth—because that's what real men do.

What’s the stupidest 'real men don't' rule you've ever heard? We’d like to know in the comments.

Jesse