Redditor Questioning Whether It's Appropriate To Prioritize Her Pending Labor Induction Over Family Member's Terminal Illness

"This person is a distant relative of my husband's family who we have been helping over the last few years"

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• April 28, 2023

Family relationships are complex and can be particularly challenging when caring for a family member with health problems, as illustrated by the story. The narrative underscores the importance of establishing clear boundaries and prioritizing one's well-being, even when feeling guilty or obligated.

While families can be a source of comfort and support, they can also trigger stress and conflict. Therefore, it is crucial to communicate respectfully and openly about each other's needs and limitations, working together to find mutually beneficial solutions.

In the case of OP, a distant relative of her husband's family, she has been helping a family member with autism and various health problems. The family member has become highly dependent on OP and her husband for assistance, especially after being diagnosed with untreatable cancer in its end stages.

However, with only three days left until her induction, OP is feeling overwhelmed and stressed due to the constant calls, texts, and unannounced visits from family members. She has been ignoring his calls to focus on herself and her family, and while she may feel guilty, she needs to prioritize her well-being and that of her growing family.

In such situations, it is crucial to balance one's responsibilities and personal needs with those of the family members in need. Strong family relationships are built on a foundation of love, trust, and mutual respect, requiring ongoing effort and attention to maintain.

By communicating openly and respectfully and finding mutually beneficial solutions, families can support one another through even the most challenging times.

OP and her husband are helping a family member

Because of his diagnosis, this person has become even more dependent on us

I need to focus on my own family

You have been endeavoring to communicate clearly regarding your availability

OP's situation highlights the delicate balance that often exists between providing support to a family member in need and caring for oneself and one's own family. It is natural to want to help those we care about, but it can become overwhelming when the demands of caregiving become too great. In this case, OP and her husband are already stretched thin due to the family member's health issues and their impending parenthood.

To manage the situation, it may be necessary for OP to have a frank conversation with the family member about her boundaries and limitations. This could include setting clear expectations around communication and visitation, as well as exploring other avenues for support, such as local disability services or support groups. While this may feel uncomfortable or difficult, OP needs to prioritize her own needs and the needs of her growing family while still showing empathy and understanding toward the family member's situation.

It is also important for OP to recognize that the family member may be experiencing a psychological crisis. A diagnosis of untreatable cancer can be emotionally overwhelming, and the family member may be struggling with feelings of fear, grief, or despair. In approaching him, it may be helpful to adopt a sensitive tone, emphasizing that while OP and her husband want to help, they also need to ensure that they are taking care of themselves and their own family.

You did your absolute best

"You’re going to have a newborn"

"Where the hell is the rest of his family?!"

You need to care for yourself

"Your relative is clearly going through a psychological crisis"

"Get a local number for disability support"

Be very explicit with this person

Ultimately, maintaining strong family relationships requires ongoing effort and communication. In difficult circumstances, this can be particularly challenging, but it is important to remember that seeking support and setting boundaries is not a sign of weakness but rather a necessary step towards maintaining one's well-being and preserving important family relationships.

Damjan