Some of The Best and Most Relatable Tweets By Parents

My autistic son says very few words but today, he said “hug” and then wrapped his arms around me.

I only cried for about 15 minutes.

— dan (@dadopotamus) June 9, 2020

Hair salons opened back up this week and my son very badly needs a cut but he just told me he wants to wait a few days cause “they’ve probably forgotten how to cut hair and need time to practice” and I mean, as far as excuses go, this one actually makes sense.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) June 25, 2020

Good news: My son cleaned his room

Bad news: He found his harmonica

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 9, 2020

Things that made my toddler cry this week:
- only wants to go up on the seesaw, not down
- I wouldn't serve her hot ice cream
- her shadow is copying her
- doesn't want to have bones anymore

How about your kid?

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 18, 2020

I was looking at my four year old son, and the love and happiness I felt in that moment was so overwhelming I felt my eyes tearing up. He caught me looking, smiled, put one little hand on my cheek, and said, “Mommy I can see your moustache.”

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) June 18, 2020

[stray cat on our front porch]

6-year-old: Can we keep it?

Me: Your mom is allergic.

6: Mom can stay outside.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 8, 2020

My friend tells her kids that her engine won’t start until her car hears their seatbelts go click and now I’m curious what other cute lies parents tell.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 24, 2020

My daughter just called a cemetery a person garden. I'm not even sure what she thinks is happening there.

— Broken Puppet (@java_assassin) June 18, 2020

Kids who are dicks at home and little peaches in public have the best parents.

These kids have been taught manners and respect, and also feel so secure and loved that they’re able to let their guard down at home and be assholes because they know they’re loved unconditionally.

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) June 25, 2020

6-year-old: What do you want for Father's Day?

Me: For you and your sisters to get along.

6: I'll make you a card.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2020

Thoughts and prayers for my son who thought it would be funny to tell me “I’ll get to it when I get to it, woman”

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) June 10, 2020

My four year old has informed me that he doesn't want us to get a lion. Not because they're deadly predators, but because he's allergic to cats and thinks a lion would make him sneeze too much. I'm just glad we discussed it before I went shopping.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 25, 2020

I just watched this kid in the midst of a water gun fight stop and yell “this the best day of my stupid annoying life!” That’s some big 2020 energy right there.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 25, 2020

One of the kids woke me up to ask if I was still sleeping, if any of you were thinking of having children.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 25, 2020

8-year-old: Are convertibles cool?

Me: I used to drive one.

8: So no?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 24, 2020

We walked into our apartment building when my 3yo shouted “oh shit we forgot face masks!”

Tune in next week for another episode of “foul mouthed toddlers of the pandemic”

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 9, 2020

When my toddler throws one of his epic tantrums I don’t get mad, instead I try to understand what is making him behave this way, and then with complete love and empathy I tell him those 7 magic words:

Calm. The fuck. Down. You tiny psycho.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 18, 2020

No one is full of more false hope than a parent organizing car ride activities before a long road trip.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 26, 2020

Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 24, 2020

6-year-old: *gets weighed at the doctor's office*

Me: Think you'll ever be as big as me?

6: No. I would break the house.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 25, 2020

[dropping off the kids at Grandma's house]

6-year-old: Will you miss me?

Me: Of course. Will you miss me?

6: Goodbye.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 26, 2020

I asked this 18 yr old if she had Facebook and she dead pan looked at me and said, “I’m part of the younger generation so we only use instagram”. I’m only 29 years old, but I about threw myself out the window and turned into dust like Mother Gothel just to escape that moment.

— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) June 25, 2020

[an hour into the road trip]

6-year-old: I FORGOT MY FAVORITE STUFFED ANIMAL!

Me:

6: We're turning around, right?

Me:

6: RIGHT?!

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 26, 2020

Nobody prepares you for the transition from bringing home your tiny baby girl with the tiniest feet, to sliding her shoes on - that actually fit you - to grab the mail 11 years later.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) June 25, 2020

5YO: daddy can you play old maid with me?
ME: no
5: aw why not?
M: because it’s not fun

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 25, 2020