LinkedIn User Brutally Roasted For Claiming That Proposing To Girlfriend Taught Him About B2B Sales

When what was supposed to be a romantic moment descends into corporate cringe.

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• July 17, 2024

LinkedIn is the corporate wasteland where people post overly enthusiastic updates about jobs, events, and achievements that, let’s be honest, no one genuinely cares about.

We've all seen it: "What an exhilarating time at the Annual Employee Wellness Fair!" Sally captioned a shot of herself sporting a serious business suit and smiling brightly beside her teammates. 

Come on, Brenda, we know you didn't have the time of your life at that fair. You were counting down the minutes until you could leave—we can tell from the smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

But we get it—It's all about keeping up appearances and, of course, that sweet health insurance. Can’t have your boss questioning your enthusiasm now, can you?

LinkedIn can feel like purgatory for those navigating the treacherous waters of unemployment. Endless resume submissions to faceless companies, hoping for a glimmer of interest. 

Meanwhile, your feed is flooded with posts from self-proclaimed LinkedIn Influencers sharing tales of overcoming adversity to build an empire—usually leaving out the part about the hefty inheritance that made it all possible.

But occasionally, a post emerges that is so bizarre, it transcends the usual corporate fluff. Enter Bryan Shankman, a man who took the concept of the "inspirational LinkedIn post" to a whole new level.

Bryan Shankman popped the question and learned more about B2B sales from it than from any business school…

In a moment of sheer brilliance (or perhaps lunacy), Bryan decided to share how proposing to his partner taught him invaluable lessons about B2B sales. Yes, you heard that right. He drew parallels between one of life's most personal moments and the art of closing a business deal.

In his now-infamous post, Bryan detailed his proposal strategy as if it were a sales pitch. He talked about prospecting, Negotiations, pricing and might’ve even referred to his fiancée as a “product.”

Sometimes saying 'No' leads to the perfect 'Yes.' Take notes people

Sealing the deal both in love and business.

Throw out those applications to business school folks because Bryan Shankman is preaching

Send that DocuSign—I mean, ring!

It was as if he had taken the soul out of romance and replaced it with a corporate training manual. Eyes bled all over Linkedin as slack-jawed users watched Bryan mash two completely unrelated puzzle pieces together and insist they fit.

The good part is, they didn’t keep the brutal honesty to themselves. Bryan had unintentionally become the target of a LinkedIn roasting session, and it was merciless.

On some teams, love is off-limits

It is the dream of every woman to be treated like a sales prospect. Bryan Shankman can confirm

We need the deets on that growth strategy

Epic levels of disbelief

When B2B lessons and love collide, interesting metaphors are born

Should have probably just sent that as an email marked urgent

Because birds of a feather and whatnot

Two years or two weeks?

When business lessons come from the heartache department.

We’re literally at the edge of our seats

When your wedding invites come with a Zoom link

Strategic family planning

Virtual vows gone wrong

NB: Check chat for slides post-wedding

When you’re disgusted but still wish them well

It was as if he had taken the soul out of romance and replaced it with a corporate training manual. Eyes bled all over Linkedin as slack-jawed users watched Bryan mash two completely unrelated puzzle pieces together and insist they fit.

The good part is, they didn’t keep the brutal honesty to themselves. Bryan had unintentionally become the target of a LinkedIn roasting session, and it was merciless.

Jesse