Young Man Criticized By Family For Not Attending Abusive Mother's Funeral

Her last words to him were - "I hope you die in a ditch, you f**ing pig."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• August 3, 2023

There's a widely accepted idea that parents always look after their kids, especially when they're young and need extra care. However, this story reveals how sometimes, parents can have favorites, causing deep issues in the family.

OP is a 24-year-old guy who's had a rough ride with his mom, who played favorites with his younger brother. Right from the get-go, she gave his brother whatever he wanted but gave OP grief when he asked for the same thing.

She played nice during birthdays and Christmas when the family was around, but his brother always got the best gifts. When OP came out as bi at 15, his mom kicked him out of the house.

He ended up staying with his aunt and uncle until he was 20 because his mom never called him back. The harshest blow came when OP's friends and girlfriend died in a car accident, and his mom coldly told him that "men don't cry."

Three weeks ago, OP's mom, a heavy smoker, died of lung cancer. He visited her to say goodbye, but she told him she hoped he'd die. He chose not to attend her funeral. His brother only realized he wasn't at the funeral two days later and angrily confronted him.

Now, the whole family is on his case, making him wonder if he was wrong for skipping the funeral.

OP asks:

OP is a 24-year-old guy who's had a rough ride with his mom, who played favorites with his younger brother.

She kicked him out when he came out as bi. After weeks of couch-surfing, waiting for the call to come home, he found refuge with his uncle and aunt

She died, and OP decide to miss the funeral, mostly due to her last words

OP posted an update:

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

Why should you mourn your abuser?

Funerals are for the living

"Being BI isn't a crime and sounded like she finally had a reason to get you out of the house."

Other Redditors shared their experiences:

Being dead doesn't give them absolution

The bottom line is:

In reflecting on OP's story, it's hard not to feel a surge of sympathy for the years of emotional strain he had to endure. Favoritism, rejection, and emotional abuse have undoubtedly left deep wounds that won't easily heal.

Although, unfortunately, familial relationships have deteriorated to such an extent, OP's decision to stay away from the funeral seems entirely justified given the circumstances. He's chosen to protect himself from further emotional turmoil, which is a form of self-care, a crucial element of moving past such a traumatic past.

Sometimes, the notion of family becomes toxic, and it's okay to distance oneself from that toxicity. Instead of blaming OP for his absence at the funeral, his family should have recognized the persistent unfair treatment he received, and perhaps that might have led to a different conclusion.

Ultimately, it's important to remember that everyone deserves respect and kindness, and no one should have to endure the type of abuse OP went through.

Damjan