Parents Don't Give Daughter Her College Fund Because She Has Full Scholarship And Works, Effectively Punishing Her For Being Responsible

"I hope this does not end our relationship."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• August 24, 2023

Parenting is a tricky journey with tough decisions. Some decisions about kids' education and money matter. Parents want what's best, but choices can lead to unexpected regrets.

It's a balance between guiding and letting go. Life's surprises can make parents wish they chose differently. Parenting isn't easy, and choices can be hard.

Here's a story about a family and money decisions that got them talking. A dad (54 years old) and a mom (52 years old) have two kids, a 23-year-old daughter and a 21-year-old son. When the kids were little, their grandparents saved money for their education, which meant going to school and learning more.

Mom and dad thought their kids would go to college and then learn even more after that. They did a lot of schooling themselves. The parents decided not to use the saved money for their kids' first college degrees, and they didn't tell the kids about the money.

The daughter likes artsy stuff like music and film, while the son likes science and engineering. The parents were worried the daughter wouldn't find a good job with artsy subjects, but she proved them wrong.

She got scholarships that paid for most of her college. She learned how to manage money and found a job she liked after college.

The son chose engineering and got some help from the saved money to pay for college. He found a nice apartment close to school, which was helpful for his hard classes.

When the daughter found out her brother got money for college, she got upset because she didn't know she had money too. Her parents explained they were saving it for her grad school.

She felt hurt because her brother got to use his money for college. She asked if she could have it now, but her parents said there might be a cost to use it for non-school things.

People have different opinions about this. Some say parents can decide, while others say fairness and talking are important.

OP has a son STEM guy, and a daughter with an artistic inclination. The daughter opts for a fulfilling, low-paying job post college instead of pursuing further education.

OP's son opted for engineering. To cover tuition and living costs (fewer scholarships than a sister), OP and his spouse tapped into an education fund. They secured a roomy apartment close to the school, ensuring an ideal study environment given the challenging coursework.

OP's daughter learned about education funds and got upset about not having one

OP admitted error, offered money to daughter, her response: indifferent.

The couple discusses the daughter's reply and future actions. Wife accepts daughter's words as they are, while OP is careful due to a strained relationship. OP suggests sharing equal financial support for the daughter.

Having a PhD and a Masters doesn't make you a good parent or smart, as this situation clearly demonstrates

OP's decisions are critiqued for valid reasons.

Paid son's spacious apartment near school; daughter pays for a subpar apartment across town. Unfair discrepancy.

Neither child pursued grad school, yet OP chose to fund one and not the other

OP paid for his son's expenses but not his daughter's, even though they made the same choices.

OP ignored his daughter due to disliking her field of study

OP behavior is still not acceptable

It's pretty clear that the decisions parents make about their kids' education and money are super important. Even though parents really care and want the best, sometimes the choices they make don't turn out how they hoped.

Parents should talk openly with their kids, and kids should understand that parents make choices based on what they know. Finding a middle ground is key. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it.

Mistakes happen, but they don't have to control us. We can use what we learn to make better choices down the road. Balancing between guiding and supporting is tricky, but by caring and understanding, we can make things work out. In the end, being a parent is all about learning, growing, and making decisions out of love.

Damjan