Parents Want To Move Away From Adult Daugther So They Could Finally Live Their Lives, She Feels Abandoned

They did everything by the book, now it is time for them to enjoy

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• August 14, 2023

It is often said that there's a time for everything. From working hard throughout our youth to settling down and raising a family, life moves in phases.

And when the chapters change, so do our purpose and priorities. A recent Reddit post by a mother pondering the next phase of her life brings forth a relatable tale about striking a balance between fulfilling personal desires and responsibilities to family.

This mother, let's call her Jane, has given much of her life to her family. Having worked tirelessly for 44 years, she, along with her spouse, finally tasted the freedom of retirement. But it wasn’t complete freedom just yet.

When Jane's daughter, who was expecting her first child, and son-in-law, relocated to another city, Jane and her husband did what many loving parents and soon-to-be-grandparents might: they moved closer to be of help.

Their rationale was justified – the daughter’s husband traveled often, and daycare options were uncertain for the baby. In essence, they were hoping to recreate the multigenerational household that their daughter grew up in.

However, the dynamic shifted over time. Their daughter returned to work, secured full-time daycare, and her husband no longer traveled.

The initial reasons that justified Jane's move to be closer had evolved. Not to mention, the COVID-19 pandemic, which kept Jane and her husband relatively isolated during their initial retirement years, was beginning to relent.

Jane and her husband found themselves at crossroads. They yearned to move to a city that they loved, one with a vibrant senior community and numerous activities tailored for them.

It was three hours away from their daughter's family, but it promised a lifestyle they both envisioned in their golden years. However, this decision was not received warmly by their daughter, who perhaps envisioned a constant presence of her parents in her and her child's life.

Jane's daughter saw her mother's wish to relocate as a rejection, questioning the very essence of the "village generation" they were meant to be.

OP asks:

OP has given much of her life to her family. Having worked tirelessly for 44 years, she, along with her spouse, finally tasted the freedom of retirement.

Covid changed everything

The daughter and her husband have a nice life now

OP believes that she and her husband have done their job well, and need rest

They want to move to a city 3 hours away

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

OP is not responsible for taking care of her grandchildren, and many Redditors agree. However, it seems that the verdict depends on the way the post is written, reasoning, and even gender

OP can finally do something for herself, after years of taking care of a family

OP and her husband should enjoy their golden years

The bottom line is - her daughter is selfish

While Jane's daughter's emotions and desires for a multigenerational support system are valid, it is essential to understand that Jane has spent a significant portion of her life dedicating herself to her family.

Now, in her twilight years, her aspirations to live in a community that offers her and her husband a fulfilling experience shouldn’t be overshadowed by a sense of obligation. After decades of service to her family and work, she deserves the autonomy to make choices that reflect her desires.

Families are built on love and understanding, not just proximity. As tough as the decision might be for Jane's daughter to digest, it's high time she recognizes her mother's individuality and supports her quest for happiness and self-realization.

Damjan