Mom Seeks For Ways To Deter Helicopter In-Laws From Babysitting Her Child When She Returns To Work, Husband Has Different Opinion

"They are loving grandparents I guess, but they don't even treat us with respect"

Maryjane

• Published in Interesting
• October 8, 2023

There are times when moms need a support system, and this support system frequently takes the form of the grandparents of our kids. But then, there is a difference between assisting and hovering.

The "helicopter" parent or grandparent frequently misses the difficulties they cause because they are too caught up in the "I am helping" frame of mind. The problem with helicopter grandparents is that they frequently undermine the parents of the child and embed themselves emotionally in the child's life.

Furthermore, they frequently cross boundaries that support the child's parents and family dynamics. Yes, we do appreciate the support of grandparents who are eager to continue where we leave off and assist us with the demanding tasks of parenting, but don't overdo it.

To put it another way, helicopter grandparents cross the line from being a concerned, involved, and devoted grandparent to one who interferes. Additionally, these grandparents could do a lot of harm in the process, just like what we see in today's story.

OP's MIL and FIL are so overbearing. In fact, they are basically helicopter grandparents, constantly telling the OP what to do and hovering over her and her husband both physically and emotionally.

They are constantly questioning every choice they make and starting endless discussions about every little thing. The OP is tired and doesn't want her babysitting her kids while she returns to work, but her husband has a different opinion.

The OP writes

They are constantly questioning every choice they make and starting endless discussions about small things

Multiple times, OP's MIL has grabbed her baby and yanked him away from different things

OP tries to model respectful behavior and occasionally will explain what she's doing and why, but MIL doesn't get it

The OP says that it's virtually impossible to get them to back off with the helicopter behavior

Let's head into the comments section and find out what other redditors have to say

They are going to seriously damage the self esteem of the baby

The original poster gives more details about her husband in the comments

He is 100% on board intellectually. He knows I'm right. He is just so screwed up by his parents that he has a desperate need to avoid their displeasure and any kind of conflict with them. The way they manipulate him is insidious and really sad. So I'm feeling fear about his emotional pressure but I know when I put my foot down that it will be what it is.

This Redditor is in solidarity with the OP

They prefer to let their babysitters follow their parenting style

It's probably going to cause marital conflict and the stress the OP out

From a Redditor who is a working mom of close to a decade

They already think the OP's child is theirs

Helicopter grandparents are a term for grandparents who hover, and the path through this kind of relationship might be challenging. It's fascinating to watch our kids interact with the older generation, and we can tell that they sincerely love their grandchildren.

But there's a point: you just have to slow down, take a deep breath, and simply enjoy the moment rather than try to overdo things.

Maryjane