"Am I Selfish For Not Helping My Sick Half-Sister As Much As My Dad Wants" Teen's Dilemma

Balancing compassion and boundaries in a complex family dynamic.

Davy

• Published in Interesting
• June 11, 2024

In a recent Reddit post, a teenager shared a difficult situation involving her family, specifically her relationship with her half-sister, Jade. Jade, who is six weeks older and has cystic fibrosis (CF), has been a challenging presence in the poster's life since she entered the family seven years ago.

Jade’s illness, which now requires a lung transplant, complicates the already strained relationship due to her demanding and self-centered behavior. The poster, who also has a younger sister named Esme, has often found herself at odds with Jade.

Esme, who wears hearing aids, has been tormented by Jade’s cruel pranks, like hiding her aids. Additionally, Jade's tantrums have disrupted family events, including the poster’s 16th birthday party.

Despite these issues, their father consistently prioritizes Jade’s needs and demands over the other siblings. Recently, Jade requested that the poster tutor her and lend her a tablet, as Jade's laptop broke. The poster, who is in higher academic sets and already has a busy schedule, refused.

This refusal led to their father demanding she quit her job and focus on helping Jade, even grounding her for not responding to Jade's excessive texts. The poster’s refusal to comply has led to accusations of being selfish and heartless from their father.

However, the poster feels justified, given Jade's history of taking advantage of others and causing disruptions.

The Story.

My dad cheated on my mum

CF and is sick and she needs a lung transplant

I received a pen from my stepgrandpa when he died

My dad promised me a party for my 16th

Her own party had been cancelled because she had been too ill.

dad cancelled

Jade is in the bottom set while I'm in top set for everything.

OP continues

I don't want extra costs

He expects me to be at Jade's beck and call

I had 42 texts in the space of an hour

Dad's getting frustrated

AITA here?

The Reddit community quickly rallied to provide their perspectives on the situation. Here are some highlights:

One user commented, "You are not the a-hole. It's unfair for your dad to expect you to drop everything for someone who has repeatedly mistreated you and your sister."

Another wrote, "Jade's illness doesn't excuse her behavior. Your dad should be finding other ways to support her instead of placing all the burden on you."

A few users suggested more balanced approaches, emphasizing the need for professional help for Jade and better support systems within the family to reduce the strain on the poster.

Your dad and Jade sound like two peas in a pod. NTA.

OP, do not tutor her. You won't be paid, it will be a nightmare and if/when she fails, they will guilt you. If she needs a tutor, your dad has to either tutor her himself or find a professional one - you know, someone he has to pay; maybe them he will force Jade to be polite with the tutor and make good use of her time. NTA, of course.

I love your mom! She is protecting you from that train wreck going on at your dads place! You are at an age (I believe) where you no longer have to spend time with your dad if you don’t want to.

NTA. I wouldn'T want to spend any time with this spoilt brat either. INFO: Do you have to visit your father or do you want it? It sounds like he plays favourits towards his affair child.

Where is your mom in all this? Why isn’t she standing up to your father’s ridiculous demands?

What do you think about this family dilemma? Is the poster justified in setting boundaries, or should they make more concessions due to Jade’s illness?

How would you handle such a challenging family dynamic? Share your thoughts and let us know what actions you would take in this scenario.

Davy