Career-Oriented Husband And Wife Find Themselves Arguing Over Which Job Is More Important After The Husband Found Their Children Neglected One Night
Mastering the art of work-life balance takes years of practice to perfect. This will become increasingly difficult when you have your own family to prioritize.
OP and his wife had a system that worked for the two of them. OP has a relatively relaxed job that only requires him to work 35 hours a week with the stipulation of being on call for one week every month.
His wife on the other hand works in a high-stress environment. She has to work for at least 45 hours a week and her boss likes to flex her "power" over her subordinates by demanding unnecessary tasks.
Their family lives in a city with a high cost of living. OP earns about 5x what his wife makes and with their combined salary, they live a comfortable life.
Since OP has fewer work hours, he has taken over day-to-day tasks like cooking, cleaning, and dropping off and picking up their kids. During OP's on-call work week, he still accomplishes his daily tasks with an understanding between him and his wife that he will drop off anything they were doing should an emergency work call occur.
When an urgent work emergency does happen, OP can resolve it in a few hours so it doesn't really disrupt their home life. This time, however, it was different.
During OP's on call week, OP's wife got a message from her boss to fulfill an "emergency" request for a client
His wife said the task wasn't really an emergency and she could do it the next day but she would prefer to finish it that night to avoid any yelling from her boss. OP had no issues with this but he reminded her that he was on call.
She acknowledged OP's reminder and that was the end of the discussion. Two hours later, OP got an emergency all-hands-on-deck work call.
This wasn't a problem that could be solved remotely, so OP had to go to the office. OP rushed to their room to tell his wife he had to go to the office.
She told him, "Sorry but my issue came up first, you are going to have to tell your work you can't." OP said that wasn't an acceptable reason and he can't ditch his actual work emergency.
She got even more upset but OP cut her off and told her he didn't have time to argue with her at that moment. He promised to resume the discussion once he gets back.
On his way to work, OP's wife called to continue their argument. He replied in anger that when push comes to shove, his work has to come above hers because they literally can't afford to live in their city without his job.
OP got home three hours later, around 11 PM that night. He saw his children sprawled out in their living room with several bowls of cereal spilled around them.
OP went upstairs to talk to his wife but she locked herself in their bedroom and refused to talk. OP found out what happened the next day from his kids.
Apparently, his wife spent the night locked in their room, crying. She didn't make food for their kids and didn't put them to bed so the kids took it upon themselves to eat cereal and have an impromptu sleepover in the living room.
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Was OP an a**hole for telling his wife that his job has to come first? You can read the full story below:
OP was not wrong to point out that their income is largely dependent on him but there are two points to consider
OP said he had previously encouraged his wife to find a less stressful job and they have enough saving should anything unfortunate happen
Someone said OP was the a**hole for believing he is superior than his wife
OP says he doesn't think he is superior but his job does provide for the majority of their family's needs
A redditor believed that everyone was at fault in this unfortunate incident
OP was curious how the commenter assumed that OP's wife was the default parent
Has OP ever considered hiring a nanny to take care of their kids?
OP isn't even sure that it is possible to find a nanny at such short notice and only have them work for a few hours
Maybe OP can consider hiring a full-time in-house nanny to take the stress off of his wife
OP says he's not comfortable with having a personal maid when he can do all of the tasks himself
The commenter is insisting on OP's family to have a nanny to take some of the pressure off of his wife, if not for anything else
OP's says he has no problem handling the lion's share of house work and child care
Someone suggested a website that could potentially help OP out
OP wasn't aware of this emergency babysitting service but said he will take it into consideration
Does OP really have to be on call for his job?
OP says it is a part of his job since he leads a team and the task of managing the problem cannot be delegated to his team members
Maybe OP's wife need to unwind more to destress?
They do go out but OP prefers to do family activities
It might be helpful if OP and his wife spend more one on one time
Someone asked why OP didn't call his parents for help if he knew his wife couldn't handle taking care of their kids
OP had this hilariously dark answer
It was a giant red flag that his wife neglected their children for 3 hours
Maybe the kids are older and can fend for themselves?
They are toddlers and shouldn't be left alone for that long
OP's wife does sound depressed and she needs help because what happened with their kids was dangerous
Unfortunately, OP's wife cannot see the benefit of leaving her abusive job due to a misplaced sense of loyalty
It is correct that OP's wife needs therapy to cope with whatever it is she is going through
OP has suggested therapy to his wife before but she was reluctant and couldn't find the benefit to it
The majority of the comments sided with OP. He could have been kinder when he said his job should be prioritized over hers but words said in anger couldn't be taken back.
That still doesn't excuse his wife's neglect of their two young kids. For the sake of their family, we fervently hope that they both got the help they need to avoid future dangerous problems like this one from happening again.
