40-Year-Old Woman Struggles With Husband's Friends Invading Her Privacy With Unplanned Calls, Feels They Like Her More Than They Like Her Husband

"I tell him I'm easily drained and prefer not to chat."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• December 7, 2023

In today's fast-paced world, the boundaries between personal space and social obligations often blur. With technology at our fingertips, staying connected has never been easier, yet the expectation to always be available can be overwhelming.

This tension between social etiquette and personal comfort zones is a common dilemma many face, especially in the context of relationships and their extended social circles. On Reddit, a 40-year-old woman shares her predicament that echoes this very struggle.

Her husband's friends, seemingly comfortable in their friendship, frequently call her without prior notice. This spontaneous interaction, which some might find warm and welcoming, is a source of discomfort for her.

Just this morning, one of these friends called her at 7:30 am. While sitting at the breakfast table with her husband, she saw the call, chose not to answer, and continued with her morning routine. It wasn't an isolated incident – it was the third call from the same friend that week, with no specific reason for the contact.

Her husband, curious about her consistent avoidance of these calls, questioned her behavior. She explained her stance: these conversations drained her, and she preferred not to engage in them.

This was not out of dislike for his friends – in fact, she enjoyed their company in person, hosting them every Sunday for meals prepared by her husband. She even supported them financially, paying for one friend's Ph.D., another's sister's university fees, and covering hospital expenses for a sick infant.

Yet, her husband perceived her actions as rude, failing to understand her need for personal space and her preference for limited telephonic interaction. This misunderstanding raises a significant question: Are her actions unjust, or is she simply protecting her mental well-being?

OP often receives unexpected calls from my husband's friends who want to chat, but OP usually ignores them because she is not interested in talking to them.

OP's husband thinks it's rude and doesn't understand, OP likes the husband's friends and is generous in supporting them financially, but she is wondering now if is she in the wrong for not answering the calls.

It's unusual for a SO friend to call so frequently, especially three times a week.

It seems there's a misunderstanding because her husband's friends consider themselves her friends as well, not just his.

OP needs just communicate that she prefers texting over phone calls.

It is rude and potentially frustrating for someone to call them at 7:30 am just to chat.

It's unusual for your partner's friends to call you just to chat about nothing.

OP should be straightforward about her feelings in this situation.

This situation seems inconsiderate and could be handled better.

OP needs to communicate her phone anxiety and set boundaries with her friends or family.

OP is not in the wrong, but it would be considerate to let them know that she is not a fan of phone calls.

OP's financial involvement in their lives makes it natural for them to reach out to her frequently.

OP has every right to protect his personal space and mental well-being. She is not obliged to answer all calls, especially those early in the morning if she is uncomfortable.

However, open and honest communication is necessary to resolve this situation. It would be more honest for her to express her discomfort to her friends with frequent phone calls and suggest a compromise, such as texting for non-urgent matters and reserving phone calls for urgent situations.

In this way, she can maintain her relationships with friends while respecting each other's boundaries and preferences.

Damjan