Stay-At-Home Mom Pressures Husband To Subsidize Her Elderly Parents' Retirement And Allow Them To Move In With Them To Save Money

He has been paying for half of their rent and contributes to their monthly medical and grocery bills. Is it not enough?

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• May 26, 2023

We spend the majority of our adult lives working and saving to prepare for our retirement. Insufficient savings and pensions are not enough for the increasingly expensive elderly care in our society.

An OP is experiencing these difficulties firsthand due to his father-in-law's looming retirement. His father and mother-in-law are in their late 60s.

His FIL still works while his MIL is a stay-at-home wife. They face frequent financial difficulties because of their poor choices.

OP's FIL is a gambler and has accrued significant debt because of his destructive habits. Unfortunately, there are no government programs to support the elderly in their country.

OP has been helping them out financially ever since he joined the family. OP pays half of their rent and pays for some of their groceries and medical expenses.

His wife's siblings are in no financial state to help their parents. Supporting the in-laws has fallen on OP since he is the only person who has a stable job and income.

OP's wife and his in-laws are pressuring OP to finance their retirement. OP is sympathetic to their plight, but he doesn't want to take on the liability of taking care of them as they age.

They suggested moving into OP's house to save money. OP and his wife lived with them before, and he knows it's a bad idea.

Their lifestyles do not match and OP has issues with his in-law's hygiene

OP told his wife that he can't fund their retirement and he doesn't also want to live with them

He already paid for their debts once and he won't do so again. He told his wife that he owes nothing to her parents.

His wife asked if they should let her parents starve in their old age

She said his parents are not in the same situation, so he doesn't really understand where she's coming from

OP knows they'll end up the same as her parents if nothing changes. OP knows he has no obligation to them but his guilt is eating away at his resolve.

OP added a few more details. He and his wife can access their saving whenever they please but they inform each other of their expenses.

He clarified why it makes more sense for his wife to stay home instead of working elsewhere

She stopped pursuing her bachelor's and has limited job prospects because of it

OP's money will run out faster than his parents-in-law's needs

OP is slowly bleeding out his money by continuously supporting and prioritizing other people's needs. If nothing changes soon, he will have screwed up his own future for the sake of other people.

The in-laws have no one to blame but themselves. OP is able to live a comfortable life because of his own hard work.

OP has done more for his parents-in-law than what their own children were able to share. They were not his responsibility to begin with and asking him to contribute more is absurd.

How is he able to gamble when they can't even afford their own rent?

OP should not succumb to the pressure because it will definitely ruin his family and marriage

OP's wife might understand his perspective more if she had her own job, a commenter said

They can combine household with one of their other children if they think that is more cost-effective, but they are not welcome in OP's house

It's a sucky situation but it is not OP's responsibility to save his in-laws from a ditch of their own creation

OP is obviously kind after everything he has already done for his parents-in-law. He tried his best to save them from their original debt, but they obviously didn't value that when they financially ruined themselves once more.

OP's wife is unfair in pressuring him to contribute. If she doesn't wisen up fast, she will learn quickly just how valuable OP's hard work has been so far.

Chelsi