Hopeless Husband Who Is Willing To Stay In A Loveless Marriage To Keep Family Intact Gets A Rude Awakening From Redditors Who Think He's Just Delaying The Inevitable

"Demonstrate to them that you deserve love, and so do they."

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• April 22, 2023

"How is it benefiting your children to grow up in a home with two parents who don't like each other?" A commenter asked this question to a Redditor who is unsure if his marriage is over.

OP's exhaustion is palpable as he admitted to no longer being attracted to his wife. They have been together for 18 years and have two children.

Their marriage has been rocky for a while. They started marriage counseling almost two years ago and opted for individual therapy at the same time.

OP knew his wife expected the therapist to call him out for being a bad husband, but the spotlight was on hers. The therapist showed her how she allowed her parents to mistreat him while she offloaded the household chores to his care.

To her credit, she is a good parent to their children, but she failed as OP's partner. OP said that they earn more than enough, but his wife frequently forgot his birthdays while he made a big deal to celebrate hers.

She also overlooks him during Christmas up to the point where their own children notice it. They asked her why she didn't buy OP a gift, and she answered that OP is difficult to shop for.

OP also felt that he was the least of her priorities since she put her job, friends, and parents above him. Their sex life barely exists because OP is the only one making an effort to initiate it.

When he tries to get intimate with her, she calls him a pervert. The constant rejection, on top of everything else, ruined OP's self-esteem over the years.

Things started to look up when they committed to therapy and counselling

OP noticed that while his wife is making an effort in the bedroom, she is mechanical about it

OP has since stopped trying and focused on himself through exercising more, reading, and gaming

The catch is, he doesn't want to divorce her but he cannot imagine living his life with someone he has no love for. Is staying for their children's sake the right move if it makes OP this unhappy?

Commenters reassured OP that he should not blame himself for breaking up their family

He commended his wife for trying to make an effort since they started therapy, but admits to his diminishing of feelings for her

They advised OP to stop wasting time on a marriage that no longer works because it can be too late when he finally wants to start over

There is no shame in being alone if the alternative is accepting a version of love that is less than what you deserve

If OP stays in this disfunctional marriage, his children will grow up believing that a love like this is acceptable

Children are a lot more perceptive than adults give them credit for. OP's kids are aware that their parents have problems, OP has to be mindful of that.

It's time to be the role model your children need, OP

Now-grown-up kids who survived their parents loveless marriage urged OP to face reality and be brave for his and his children's sake

However, if he isn't ready to divorce his wife, it's time for them to be upfront with each other about the real status of their relationship

There is no fixing a marriage that was over a long time ago

Ultimately, the choice is for OP to make. He has to decide what he thinks is best for him and his children.

It's not easy to admit that the person you planned your future with is no longer the person you vowed to love. OP is more than aware of that fact, but something is holding him back from accepting what he already knows.

One thing is for sure, he is not helping his children by staying in a loveless marriage. Did the comments help OP see what's right in front of him?

We have no answers, and it doesn't look like OP will post an update soon. The Redditors did their best to enlighten OP, but at the end of the day, the choice is his.

Chelsi