Husband Devastated After Finding Out That His Wife Of 7 Years Is A Lesbian, Feels Lost And Asks Redditors For Guidance

He got suspicious when he saw she was mostly following masc-presenting lesbians on Instagram

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• October 25, 2023

A 34-year-old married man went on Reddit to seek guidance when he found out his wife is a lesbian. They have been married for seven years, together for 10.

They met in college and became fast friends. OP didn't think she reciprocated his feelings, so he was pleasantly surprised when she flirted back.

She revealed during one of their early dates why she was hesitant about sex and dating. She told OP she had a low libido.

Later in their relationship, she told OP she was asexual. He didn't know what it entirely meant but was enlightened nevertheless.

His wife's asexuality didn't impact their marriage negatively. They built a beautiful life together and took care of their 5-year-old dog.

They have a house and are financially stable — OP was content with the life they had. Their sex life wasn't an issue either.

They were rarely intimate. He cherished the rare occasions they did, and the infrequency of their intimacy made it more special to OP.

He did notice how often his wife masturbated, which puzzled him. He was more than happy to be with her, so he was confused why she didn't initiate sexual contact with him.

She was secretive about her activities. She only masturbated when OP wasn't home, or she locked herself in their bathroom.

On a whim, OP decided to look into who his wife followed on Instagram

Another surprise: his wife followed a lot of masculine-presenting lesbians

His wife had a few lesbians friends, which was never an issue for OP. After what he found on her Instagram, he got paranoid that she was cheating on him.

It took months for OP to build up the courage to confront his wife. She broke down when he finally addressed the matter.

His wife said she hated herself for hiding all these years. She was worried about how her religious family would react. She said she didn't want to lose OP, but was sure he wouldn't want to see her once the truth was out.

OP felt a myriad of emotions. He was heartbroken that he couldn't even look at his wife. She was there during the lowest points of his life. After the confrontation, they haven't even spoken and stayed in different rooms.

His wife stays in her room all day and only goes out to eat. OP can't think. He imagined how miserable he would have been if he was in his wife's position. OP knows that things will never be the same for them.

A helpful Redditor directed OP to a website dedicated to helping people in his situation

They also advised him to show the Reddit post he wrote to his wife

A commenter admonished OP for thinking that he forced his wife to be with him

It isn't his fault that his wife hid her sexual identity from him

OP informed Redditors that he left their home to stay at a hotel temporarily.

Five months later, he posted a longer update. He and his wife got divorced two months after she came out to him. They sold their house and his wife moved to a different city.

They still call each other from time to time just to check in. OP can't find it in himself to sever ties with his ex-wife completely.

Redditors urged OP to rethink staying in contact with his ex-wife. They said it would help him move forward and focus on his own mental health.

OP said he would do his best to keep his distance from her, but he didn't see how going no-contact with his ex could improve his life. He is going to therapy which has helped tremendously.

Chelsi