Grandma Believes Her Grandaughter's BF Is In A Violent Cult After Hearing Him Command The Blind Lovebird To "Murder Everyone In The House"
You are your own person and no one can dictate how you live your life. Except for your pets — those little monsters know we are at their beck and call.
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In a way, they have trained us to provide and care for them. It's not a big leap to think that in some way they are our masters as much as we are theirs.
It's a mutually beneficial relationship where we work day and night to give our pets good lives and they repay us with love & joy — depending on their mood. This couple who happened to be bird owners feels the same about their pets.
OP and his girlfriend have an inside joke that birds are trying to kill humans and achieve their goal of becoming our overlords. These killing machines are then controlled by a greater bird who commands them to do its bidding.
The joke started because OP's GF has a blind lovebird who pecks people really hard when it wants attention. OP's parakeet is no angel as well because it attacks everything that crosses its path.
So, that's where the joke comes from. To anyone who isn't in on the joke, hearing about murderous birds pecking people to death doesn't sound that funny.
His GF's grandmother heard the joke without context and now believes OP is in some sort of violent cult. She overheard a phone call between OP and his GF one morning.
His GF put the call on speaker while she went to the kitchen to get something
She left the phone near the blind lovebird and when the OP speaks, the bird goes crazy because it recognizes OP's voice
The grandmother hates technology and wouldn't even let anyone take a photo of her because the camera will "suck her soul"
While waiting for his GF to come back, OP talked to the bird. He commanded the bird to "murder everyone in the house" and it was loud enough for his GF's grandma to hear
His GF tried to explain the joke to her grandma but she is still convinced OP is using the bird to kill their family. She is trying to convince her relatives of what she believed to be true. OP's going to have a grand time in the next Sunday family dinner!
Being called a heretic on top of it must have just added to OP's amusement
OP must not break character at all cost, as long as it doesn't endanger grandma's health of course
They could also be aliens for all we know, OP should totally ask Grandma's opinion about this. Only if he is ever allowed in their house.
They should really look into making them wind or solar powered. That way they don't have to keep changing their batteries at night.
This can't be the last chapter on this hilarious saga!
Grandma is pretty old, so OP has to proceed with caution before he gives her a health scare
OP should just speak in a series of chirps if it's just him and grandma in the room then act as if everything is normal
He can also cough up bird feather every once in a while to round the human-bird hybrid character
All pet owners have conversations with their pets. If you say you don't, then you're lying.
Is anyone else reminded of Moira Rose's The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening? OP will fit right in that world without a doubt.
This hilarious exchange caused by an out-of-context inside joke is possibly one of the funniest confessions in recent Reddit history. Grandma will never trust OP ever again — he is a heretic who communicates with birds!