Redditor Asks If He Is Wrong For Refusing To Host Surprise Guests And Their Large Dog For Christmas Dinner

"Grandfather, my great grandfather with incontinence, and a 70-pound dog"

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• January 29, 2023

OP and his wife had been planning to host OP's mom and sister on Christmas eve/day and had also planned to have their in-laws over for Christmas dinner. However, OP's great-grandfather (in his 90's) had been living between his mom's and aunt's houses, as 'they're family and we take care of our elders.'

His behavior and lack of control of his bowels had been causing issues, and his mean comments had made her mom and aunt cry. OP's grandfather (in his 70's) was supporting two of his daughters, spending over $11,000 monthly.

OP's aunt had gotten him a 70 lb cane corso dog, which was not well-behaved. OP's sister then texted her, saying their mom had invited his grandfather and great-grandfather to Christmas dinner, which would throw off their plan and put their small dog and in-laws at risk.

OP called his mom, who did not bring up the plan until OP mentioned it, and when OP respectfully told her 'no,' the mom went back and forth between 'ok, it's your house' and 'you should really be ashamed of yourself/this is your family.'

OP noted that he remembered mom also saying, "I guess I should have asked you guys first," which indicates that she knew she did something wrong.

OP asks:

OP (32f) and her husband (32m) had been planning to host family on Christmas eve/day

OP gave a background of family relations

Grandfather is a legend

Aunts got him a dog

OP got an unpleasant surprise

This was not cool

When OP respectfully told her 'no,' the mom went back and forth between 'ok, it's your house' and 'you should really be ashamed of yourself/this is your family.'

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

This Redditor says: "Shut that down now!"

You don't unilaterally decide who's going to someone else's home for a several-course meal

OP clarified some things:

She didn't bother to ask OP

This is a good question:

Pops is a legend:

When planning a celebration such as a Christmas dinner, you want to ensure that all of your guests are comfortable and have a wonderful time. It is important to remember that surprise visitors, especially elders who may require additional care, and large dogs can be difficult to accommodate without prior notice.

In order to provide adequate care for an elderly guest, it is important to plan ahead to have the necessary supplies and staff ready to help with tasks such as providing assistance with meals, helping with mobility, and providing any necessary medical attention. If you do not have the resources available to provide adequate care, then it is best to decline to bring them in as surprise guests politely.

Similarly, it is important to make sure that you can provide a safe and comfortable environment for any large dogs that may unexpectedly visit. OP is definitely not wrong here.

You just don't do these kinds of things. Simple as that

Damjan