Man Asks How To Make Girlfriend Understand They Can't Afford Large Expenses All The Time

They were making decisions for each other when they should be communicating like partners

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• November 26, 2023

A 30-year-old is out of ideas on how he can help his girlfriend understand their financial situation. His girlfriend of 10 years seems to think they can afford to Keep Up With The Joneses.

Neither of them had an affluent upbringing. They have full-time jobs that allow them to maintain their house, two cars, and a fairly comfortable life with their two-year-old.

His girlfriend had several ideas recently that would drastically affect their finances. She wanted to sell their house and buy a new one closer to her job to lessen her 35-minute commute.

She also wanted them to go on a month-long summer vacation with her folks. She wanted to bring their camper and rent a spot for them to camp on.

Unfortunately, one of their cars broke down. OP would usually fix the issue himself, but the car's issues at that time were beyond his mechanical abilities.

OP explained to his girlfriend why they couldn't afford to sell their house and buy another. He also told her that their car needed to be brought to the mechanic, which could cost them a pretty penny if it was severely damaged.

He told his girlfriend they could either take their car to the mechanic, sell the house, or go on a vacation. They couldn't afford to do all three in quick succession.

She got mad at OP for not diagnosing and fixing what was wrong with their car.

She also said that she didn't want to spend her entire summer cooped up at home.

They already stayed home and went to bed at 11:00 p.m. to get up for work the next morning.

He and his girlfriend can't see eye to eye with their finances. He didn't know how to approach the issue without upsetting his girlfriend further.

Early commenters speculated if OP's girlfriend acted entitled.

A mom replied that 35 minutes may not seem that long for a commute, but it can be draining if it's a daily endeavor.

OP replied that his girlfriend isn't saddled with chores at home. He elected to do most of their chores, and he worked longer hours than her.

The commenters noted how the couple communicated based on OP's post.

He and his girlfriend need to communicate effectively to solve their problem.

OP clarified that their financial situation isn't that terrible. He just wanted his girlfriend to understand that they needed to prioritize where their money went and maybe opt for cheaper alternatives.

She may not be good with handling money, but they still need to sit down and figure their budget out together.

Some suggested that there may be something else going on that made OP's girlfriend unhappy.

Could she be feeling neglected? Are they too cooped up at home and spend all their time worrying about responsibilities?

OP said that wasn't the case. He also tried several times to ask his wife out on fun dates, but she repeatedly declined him out of exhaustion.

OP needs to realize that this issue is not solely for him to solve.

He and his girlfriend need to talk and discuss their finances. It would be easier for them to find a way forward together.

They are both trying to solve their joint problems alone, in their heads. They need to be reminded that they are partners who are trying to navigate life together.

The way they tackle their financial issue right now is a good way to build resentment. Neither will be happy if they try to "fix" the other's problem without asking for their input.

Chelsi