College Grad Tells His Well-Off Girlfriend It's Time To Grow Up, Shocked By Her Sudden Lack Of Ambition

“You’re 24, you’re not a kid, we’re lucky enough to have started our adulthood so late some have to start at 18.”

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• July 12, 2023

Graduating from school, getting a job, and making that transition into full-blown adulthood can be a scary ride. Some people are lucky enough to have a safety net that lets them take a breather between school and work, but others aren't so fortunate.

OP, a 24-year-old guy who recently got his master's degree, is one of those people. He met his girlfriend in grad school.

Despite being in different fields, they connected over their work ethic, ambitions, and shared interests. But now, OP's found himself in a tricky situation.

Just before graduation, his girlfriend decided to put her job search on hold until after her sister's wedding. She was busy with maid of honor duties, and she'd managed to get her old job back at an ice cream place.

Once the wedding was over, she told OP she still wasn't ready to start looking for a job. She said she needed time to "find herself," "figure out her weaknesses," and "be a kid" for a bit longer.

OP was pretty shocked. He was already dealing with a lot of change - starting his career, losing a parent, moving out, and supporting his other parent, all in two months.

Meanwhile, his girlfriend came from a well-off family and had a guest house to herself. OP told her she wasn't a kid anymore and they were actually lucky to start adulting at 24 when some people start at 18.

She got upset and said he didn't understand how she felt, even though OP felt like he did. He's scared of growing up too, but he believes part of being an adult is moving past that fear.

OP's worried because his girlfriend, who used to be so ambitious, now seems fine with living off her parents and enjoying her freedom. He wonders if he's wrong for feeling this way.

OP met his girlfriend in grad school.

Just before graduation, his girlfriend decided to put her job search on hold until after her sister's wedding.

OP was pretty shocked. He was already dealing with a lot of changes.

Once the wedding was over, she told OP she still wasn't ready to start looking for a job.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

GF seems burnt out, and like she needs a break

"At the end of the day, she is gonna make her choices for her life."

Some people need to recharge before starting a career

OP should not police her life decisions

This is a bit harsh:

She is afraid of leaving the nest, and she can afford to stay in

OP should not "fund their relationship."

It's not OP's place to dictate how his girlfriend should live her life or navigate her career path. It's understandable that her sudden shift in ambition is concerning for him, especially considering their shared goals and aspirations were part of their initial connection.

However, everyone has the right to change their mind and reassess their life's direction. What's vital here is the evident disconnect between OP and his girlfriend's current attitudes toward adulthood and responsibility.

It may be that his girlfriend's safety net has allowed her a luxury of time and freedom that OP doesn't share, thus creating this rift. It's crucial for OP to have an open conversation about their future together, keeping in mind that love isn't always enough when foundational beliefs and aspirations don't align.

Damjan