Worried Father Cries After Gender Reveal, Fearing He Will Be A Bad Dad To His Son Like His Father Was To Him

"I didn't tell my wife this but I was really hoping for a daughter instead of a son"

Filip

• Published in Interesting
• November 20, 2023

Gender reveal parties are a joyful and exciting occasion. They offer a unique opportunity for parents, family, and friends to gather and celebrate the impending arrival of a new member in their lives.

The moment of revelation brings a burst of joy and evokes cheers and emotional responses from everyone involved, especially the parents-to-be. But, a Reddit user recently shared that their party of gender revelation brought him opposite emotions, and he shared his concern online.

The OP, a 30-year-old male, described an incident about the gender reveal party for his and his 31-year-old wife's first child. The couple had agreed on a modest celebration, preferring a simple event where a friend would announce the baby's gender.

However, unknown to his wife, he wanted a daughter. This preference was deeply rooted in his troubled past with his own father.

He feared that if he had a son, he might inadvertently repeat the damaging parenting style of his father, an issue that had caused him significant distress. The gender reveal disclosed that they were expecting a boy, which deeply upset him.

Despite being upset, the OP tried to maintain calm and celebrate with his wife and family, hiding his true feelings. But the emotional burden was too overwhelming for him.

So later, when everyone left, the OP burst into tears. Usually, he believes crying is unproductive and unnecessary, but the fear of repeating his father's mistakes with his own son led him to a moment of vulnerability.

His wife found him in that state, so he tried to explain his feelings without revealing much of his past and the issues with his father. But the partial explanation led her to perceive his reaction as selfish, resulting in a heated exchange where she called him names and asked him to sleep on the couch.

Since this incident, their relationship has been noticeably tense. The OP's wife is still upset.

So, the OP questions whether his reaction to the gender reveal and the subsequent emotional display was in the wrong.

The OP asks:

He explained they had a gender reveal party for their upcoming baby:

It was a modest celebration:

They found they were expecting a boy, while the OP was hoping for a girl:

Yet, he managed to hide his feelings and celebrate with their guests:

But when everyone left, his emotions got the better of him:

The OP said he was really panicking:

He revealed his fears:

He explained he had them for a long time:

The OP tried to explain to his wife when she found him:

But it didn't go well:

So, the OP is asking for advice:

A Reddit user gave him genuine advice

They also advised him to talk with his wife and tell her everything

The OP should explain his fears to his wife

The OP responded:

One Reddit user told him he has the power to choose what kind of parent he will be

One therapist said that crying is a healthy way to deal with emotions

"Start learning now and get ready for the chaotic wonderful years to come."

The gender of the child does not determine the type of father

"I really hope you go to therapy or even just a support group."

Redittors told the OP that by the fact he recognizes his father's mistakes, he is already halfway to being a better father to his child. The gender of a child doesn't determine what kind of a father the OP will be, but he does himself.

They advised him to talk with his wife and explain everything.

Filip